I like to believe that I've got a lot of guardian warriors sittin' on my shoulder including my dad ~ Patrick Swayze

My dad… En. Mansor TNB.

Today is my dad's birthday. May God grant him health and good life many years to comes. At 64 years old of course his health deteriorates. His spirit to live sometimes damped too. Can’t blame him but the least his life is good. His joy is seeing us coming home to visit. Though he did not say much but his eyes tell thousand words.

He is a very strict father. I cannot recall much about me and him having a good talk or chat when I was small. To stand in front of him means I’m going to get ass whooping or scolding. Dad is a serious business. No nonsense.

In that small town of mine..everyone knows my dad – Mansor TNB.

He is a very friendly person. Likeable and he has a very big heart. Too big that often got him into trouble like being cheated. Yet, he keeps his cool and said I help sincerely…if that person chose to cheat me he will get his ‘portion’ sooner or later. Just wait. This statement often get my mom furious. Well ..better not go into that so much. Mom and dad argument is best to leave it as it is. Do not every interfere because at the end you will be the bad guy.

I do not wish to travel back in time and corrected my past. I just wish I am a better daughter to him in so many ways. Wishing is fool’s hope they say… so I chose to cherish every moment now. Let gone be by gone…

One of the best memories I have with him is when we went for Umrah 2014/2015. Both, sweet and bitter moments which at the end it is more to self-discovery for me. You will not know how patience you can be until you handle your parent. Plus you are in Holly Land…it just gets better, trust me.

By then I understand and had clarity on lots of things. Nothing last forever yes, instead of living in state of denial I am afraid to lose my parent ..dad especially. I learned to accept things better. It is not something you can rehearse or prepare but it helps when you open your mind and heart to it.

My dad is a man with a clean heart. His father thought him well. To live life to the fullest, first you must clean your heart. Correct your direction, path and journey and don’t forget to have faith. Trust in God…pray during your hard time and good time.

Cherish every moment with your loves one…

In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years ~ Abraham Lincoln

Tomorrow is Chinese New Year... 2017 is Rooster Year. I am born a Dragon so that is another few years to go. It is only January and yet I felt I do not have enough time to do much. February is even shorter month for me. I will be in the office half a month only. Tons of things to do.

How is my 2017 so far. Well it has been good. I m pretty sure that 'life challenge' is lurking somewhere..waiting to hit me anytime. Bang! and your are now in trouble ..mess..whatever they call it.

Remember the cat that I rescued.... well he is not with us anymore. I only manage to take care of him for a week. Something bad happened that left me to wonder what wrong did I do ? Tried to blend him with my two sons. Of course there will be resistance and territorial behavior, 90% of the time it will be alright at the end.

Second day I start to notice that this cat is something wrong somewhere. He will come and roll at your feet for a belly rub. When you start to rub him ..split second he will bite you and ran to hide. Same goes when he lay down next to you...he will find your eyes and stare at you in fear...thereafter he will bite or claw your face and run away to hide. I m like ? What the hell is wrong with this cat.

I Google and found that this cat has touch intolerance... he is fear of affections. By then I suspect that this cat has been abused. Still I am adamant to keep him though deep down inside I just cannot bond with him. There is no chemistry nor bowing down from him to me. Unlike Chelsea when I took him...he blend with us and Domino after two three days.

On Friday that week...I let him wander around with supervision. Just in case a fight broke between him and my sons. Fair enough...while Domino was running and playing...he mistakenly took it as a threat. He ran and attack Domino...I screamed for Shan to rescue either one. Shan was bitten and scratch severly... Domino got his tail and rear end bite severely too. Blood was every where...

It hit me hard... What Have I Done ?.... manage to separate the two. I put the new cat into another room. Domino just keep running away from me. His tail bleed. I took Shan to the clinic...got a jap.

Came back home...as I went to see the new cat ..he manage to escape from the room. He is still in fighting state...wildly looking to attack whoever is there.

Then I realize.... I cannot help this poor guy with presence of other cats. He must be badly abused until his state of mind is so wild. Every little thing is a threat or a danger thing to him. I have to make decision then... either my sons or this guy. The new cat is gone ....

Domino's wound did not end that night. After a week...one of the wound burst into pass. Apparently he got bitten twice and all the other three is swelling. He stayed for 4 days at the animal hospital. The day I want to take him back...that stupid doctor said he want to perform minor surgery because the wound did not heal properly. I got so so so damm angry!... 4 days the charges is already RM1K... another surgery ??? are you mad ???

I took Domino home and his wound still open...four holes on his rear back. I sank into despair..thinking hard how do I treat this wound. Then I remember Haruan fish. Thankfully a friend of ours has it. He prepare for Domino. Praised the lord... Domino's wound healed in 1 week.

Hard lesson learned..... never ever swallow more than you can chew.

During all these drama mama.... I was down with fever. It did not subside after 3 days despite I went to hospital. My blood checked for viral fever, it came back with mild infections. Few days of antibiotic will do. After the 4th day I could not contain anymore. Again I went to the same hospital. Since I now develop flu, they checked for Influenza and I was positive Influenza B. Thankfully it was not Influenza A.

My company's kick-off for 2017 schedule to be in Sabah. Yeah..since was hospitalize..bye bye the trip. Warded for 4 days and I then discharged with series of medications, antibiotics, cough mixture..name it. I could run a pharmacy.

To date it is almost a month and I still am coughing. Cough is not one disease that easily will go away. My sister gave me a tip... just walk among the big crowd like shopping mall or central stations... just pass the cough to someone else. She said it works for her especially if she got cough or fever. I said Ok.... will try but if I bring back another disease... I m gonna kick your ass! We laugh..remembering Achmed the dead terrorist!

I can't wait for this long weekend... got lots and lots of thing to do. Request came for Siakap Stim Serai ...hmm...got to find that recipe shortly.

Me and my sisters got a big spring cleaning to do. I have 2 cupboard that I did not touch for the past 2 years. God knows what is inside...my sarees... my jubah...and ...oh well. Let see later. Donate some... dispose the rest.

Anyway...I hope and wish we all have a very good year. No matter what happen do not ever lose hope. Sometimes it feel like everything just turn to dust and drifted away. A small hope is enough to keep you going... always believe that you can do anything that you want...

The world is changing..rapidly. What used to be a norm is not that normal anymore. From what I can see those who at the rock bottom..they are not making way to the top. World leaders is not that 'world' anymore. They are not busy fighting their own demons.

A year later... part II

Friday 9th December 2016...I welcome a new baby into the family. We got our hands full since Monday last week. Run up and down ..babysit my niece, packing for my sis confinement later..all sort.Thankfully everything went smoothly. Name wise...still figuring it out.

In between anxiously waiting for the baby arrival, my immediate manager her mom passed away peacefully. She fell ill for almost a year already. Me and the team did went to the funeral parlor to pay last respect. Everything was done and settle over the weekend too. She is back to work on Thursday. Staying at home also nothing much can be done.

That is the problem about losing our love ones. Life goes on yes, but things will never be the same. Our routine changed...we will never see that person again. Everything has to be re-adjusted. It will take a long time and sometime a life time too. A friend of mine once tell..it took her years and years to be able to let go after her father's passing.

Going to work in December...everyday feel like 31st Dec. Office is half empty, everyone is going on leave. Me on the other hand enjoying my office hour job.

We recently had Secret Santa give exchange. Everyone is so excited yet worried when our HR put give value not more than RM20. Seriously ? What to buy on that amount ? I guess what is small to me is big to others. I have to respect that. I got to be secret santa for one of my lunch buddies, I bought her Body Shop shower cream gift set.... and my CEO is my secret santa... he gave me Body Shop shower cream. It is like "Body Shop" day..get what I give kinda of situation.

Ever since I started working, this Secret Santa games has been a tradition in every company that I worked with. Mind you the gift can be very 'trashy' or 'shitty'. Not every human being has that sincerity in giving. I remember seeing gifts like nail clipper, key chain... solar flower decoration, stack of plastic container... even worst the gift is a 'free gift' promotion items. It is so low man!

People say it is the thought that matters... yes of course and it works both ways. The giver too must have sincere and good thoughts to begin with. You want something nice ..yet not wanting to give. Anyway all done is done..we proceed to have dinner at Hilton Sentral.

Food was delicious and I just realize I am not that good in buffet as I used to be. On the way home I throw out almost everything. I guess it was the food combination..something just went wrong somewhere. Arrived home, shower and slept off. Thankfully it ended there.

The rest of the week went smoothly ..with a litle bumpy rides here and there. A colleauge of mine almost got con by a scam. She received message about her credit card being charged amount xxxx. Please call this number if you did not perform this transactions. She does not have any credit card with this particular back. Being a good Samaritans, she call the number and spoke to the 'officer' of the bank. She was told that her data has been compromised. It then lead to a report to so call 'Bank Negara'.

One thing trigger her was the 'officer' from Bank Negara cannot converse in English properly. The next day she sat for about an hour or so with that bank negara officer and when the life cut off...again she said very troublesome to speak to this guy. Cannot speak English. Then my other colleague was saying it cannot be ..because bank negara officer speak efficient English.

I quickly google up the Bank Negara Helplink and passed to her. Just to check and confirm if the officer really work there. Then she got another call and she asked me to check with BNM.

When I make a call to BNM, the officer calmly said it is a scam. The sms was from a scammer, number appear is a scam number. BNM never did conduct or received report via phone. When it comes to investigation on fraud and scam...that is Police job..not theirs.

I walk up to my colleague and signal her to cut the call. This incident left us speechless. I mean we knew scam like this exist. Seeing warns by bank and BNM itself too many to count for. Little that we knew it will hit our own face one day. Lucky my colleague never share any information like IC copy and stuff.

Last weekend ... another chapter begin in my life. Sunday morning I went out to nearby cash & carry for some groceries shopping. Upon returning home as our car enter the condo compound, I saw a black cat sat in between the fence...there was a ginger cat busy clawing him.. territorial. I did not leave house thereafter. Then around 10pm, my other half said ..he saw the cat still at same place when he return home from shaving. I was like what ???... oh my.

Immediately I put on my jacket and drag him along to the fence location again.  My fear is the car is injured, paralyzed..broken bones. To my surprise the cat still there at that hour. Late evening it rains ..lucky was only a for a short while. When we walk up to him..it did not run just I saw him shivering in fear. Quickly scoop him up and wrap with my jacket.

I told my other half to march home on the double, fetch one of the cat carrier. I walk slowly. It is a male..black color about 6 7 months old. He got cut at his nose and lower lips. I believe he was tossed out from a car. How cruel human can be. Skin and bone thin also.

Took him home and take a good look in case there is other injury. Thankfully none. He is so scared and refuse to drink or eat. I left him inside our smallest room with food and water. An hour later, he is more settle and ate all the food. That night..was a nightmare..he woke up like 3 4 times. Very restless.

I have not decided then whether to keep him or not. Earlier I wanted to adopt a cat from my colleague. My two sons is very very territorial. I fear for that cat's life. Well.... here I am got another one in hand.

Monday came.. I cannot concentrate at work at all. Did the best I could and rushed home. That night I gave soft introduction to my two sons. Hell break loose a bit but it was alright.

Early morning on Tuesday ..power trip at my condo. I cannot sleep whole thereafter. Migraine started by the time power came back. I can tolerate not enough sleep but ..headache ..that is another story.

to be continue...

A year later..... part I

Whenever and where ever….I got something to pour. Looking back at the last update on this blog goodness gracious…last year!!.. I talked about blogging again one too many times until I stop because why bother saying things when you know it will never happen.

A friend of mine said…it will come. Just matter of time. Well, this is it I guess. December 2016. Three weeks into the New Year.

I can't recall much 2015...all I know is my childhood school friend Hafidz Helmi passed away few days before 2016. Blood cancer. He is one of the most wonderful kind hearted person I ever know. 

How was 2016 for me… a very exciting year of coursed. I finally manage to move forward from shift work into normal office hour job. It was a very difficult decision to make. After 5 years routine, to move on I felt a bit scared. Fear of the uncertainty,in case anything happen I will end up jobless.

After much thinking I decided to take the offer. I will be working from home. It is a USA based company – Zoom Video Comm Inc. Malaysia is just a support team. Who doesn’t want to be at home..work and get huge pay check. My work starts at 6am to 2pm from Monday to Friday.

I left in January 2016. When I tender my resignation.. the weight just lift up from my shoulder. The feeling that you finally moving to something else…it was a huge relief. My boss asked to reconsider which I did not of course. Subsequent to my resignation, another two colleague in same senior position also resigned. It is not something to be proud off but I felt all of us had enough.

It was a good learning ground. I learned so many things especially when it comes to dealing with human. I do believe till today …if the government want to continue with National Service, please include a programme to be a customer service, volunteer, animal lover..etc.. It will sure make our young generation a better human with integrity plus respect.

I have to served two months’ notice. I thought then it will be the longest two months of my life.  When the final day came I was on night shift schedule. It hit me then… when I woke up at 3pm that day I realize it is my last routine… last routine for everything..after nice shower and pray I head out to the office. Stop by for a meal. My shift starts at 8pm. The night went smooth too. Bid farewell to my team and that was it! The end of five years… beginning of new episode.

My farewell was a teary one. The team did a note book with tons of well wishes. I was so touched. Each of my colleague words is very personal. All I can say is I am so loved and cherished.

That new job working from home did not last long. The company decided to have an office. Above all places they chose Cyberjaya.  I manage to work from home till mid-April. Travelling up and down was a big issue.

Honestly, with such a small support team no one in clear state of mind will open office in Cyberjaya. Unless your company wanted MSC status or huge enough like customer service etc… sigh!I had some family matters to attend as well, since distance was a huge challenged and I decided to scout for another job.

A close friend told me to stay and walk through the obstacle. Face the challenge. Well, easier for him to say. I told him off that I am the kind of person who will look at all angles. Weight the situation carefully. Caused and consequences…after effect and stuff. I am far from being a quitter. He is not the one who looks into my cat’s eye and see how lonely they were… he is not the one who felt the house is empty without my presence… why bother battle when finding solutions is easier. Pick your battle so you will win on the long run.

Like an answered prayer I got opportunity to work in KL back. Working with the government this time, a whole new episode …again. This job is a totally brand new chapter in everything for me. I had to delete my Facebook account and open new ones. Too much political comments back then. Well… who doesn’t right. Especially when the situation is so obvious.

Then I learned a very great lesson for not becoming one of the keyboard warriors. Why not look at things in the different perspective.  What is your contributions to the world ? To your amily…friends, country.. lashing out frustration indeed easy..but does that make you a better person ? Things will not change overnight but we can make a different overnight…

During my working period with that US company…I realized that we are so far behind in this world. The huge world out there already move forward and faster… what we are now indulging to …its like sooooo yesterday for them..

Nonetheless, I did enjoy my tenure and meet wonderful people too. For that short period of time, my team still did a farewell. Cupcakes with cat’s decorations…so so sweet of them.

In this new company we have a small team here and all senior level in working experience. I am enjoying every moment now. Weekends…public holiday and annual leave. Meet new people again… in short period of time I have so many new faces in my life.

I do however still have that flash back moments. Especially weekends at 3pm. It is the time I usually wake up and get ready for night shift work. Like PTSD…

I’ve waited for opportunity to come..I mean in changing my job. Every time that I visited my parent, they are getting older by the day. Here I am still busy with work and chasing I am not sure what. So I say to HIM that I want to spend time with my parent. Give me that chance to be at their service before it is too late.  As we get older, we tend to realize how important parent is. Some may not be so lucky to have them.

~ Every phase of your lives demand a new you ~

To be continued….

Haramain ...21st Dec 2014 to 1st Jan 2015

2015.... 7 days into it.

Alhamdulillah...my Umrah journey went successfully. Both my mom and dad came back happy. I will start work this Friday. My parent safely back to Pekan too. The flood hit hard last year. Though away I still mange to follow what happen back home.

I am still recovering from fever, flu and sore throat. It is winter in Saudi tempreature between 17 to 20 degrees C. Beautiful weather but we are not build to live in it. 

The journey overall I understood many things that we often took for granted. I am glad to start my link with God again few years ago. It helps to hit my core of how important we take care of the relationship and links with our creator.

Our journey starts with Makkah. We took commercial flight Saudi Airlines. Thankfully our group is only about 200 pilgrims. 8 hours flight gave my parent a bit of challenged in a way. Then upon arrival in Jeddah the immigration procedure was smooth too. It was almost 8pm when we arrived in Jeddah. 

After all the procedures we got into our coach. One thing I can tell ...Malaysia really have a good name in Saudi. The airport officers usher and show us the way easily. 

We arrived into Makkah at midnight. Checked in and thereafter gather at lobby to perform our Welcome Umrah. Seeing Kaabah for the first time....feeling is overwhelmed. Our Mutawif guide us through. Then we continue for Sa'ei Safa and Marwa. Everything completed at almost 4am. 

Return to Hotel..we wait for Subuh then rest till Zohor. 

I must say it was so remarkable. Left us a very big longing feeling to go back. Its true what they say...the moment you in Ihram...that is when your true self revealed. Our true behaviour.

I do not have much difficulties on the journey wise. We arrived in Makkah first then Medina. 

My biggest challenge was dealing with my parent. Their behaviour really put me into test. They said Jihad with parent is to hold your words against them. Dealing with one true self was never easy.

My dad got his wake up call too. He is so worried about his leg...feet. His leg thumb kinda injured and until the day we arrived it did not heal. He was so worried and nervous. Will it bleed..will it bcome worst. Lucky our hotel is just 50 meter walk to Masjidil Haram. We stayed at Hilton Towers.

Allah showed him a man who has no leg...and he wheeled himself on a skateboard to perform Tawaf and sa'ei. My dad came back crying...how he has been so ungrateful about his leg problem. The least he still has leg.

Mine on the other hand was...time. I still being chase by limited time. Felt so short in between the 5 fardhu... Why? Because all my life I always say I have no time. 

During sa'ei safa and marwa... I cannot walk anymore and almost give up. My ankle sprained..not fully recover yet...7 rounds seems forever. Then Allah showed me an old Turkish lady...she is using walking stick and maybe she is about 70 years old. Far more energetic then I am...she walked pass me. Then I realize. This performance of mine is it for me or is it for Allah.

This season that we went..there is a lot of muslim from Balkan countries and also from India. I can tell u during our arrival tawaf...there is probably 1000 of this Bosnians and Turkish...they recite doa after doa. It makes you feel small in comparission of why did you make the journey in the first place.

During small briefing at KLIA, the mutawif reminded to reset your niat again...set it at correct course. I understood then what it mean.

We have to surrender to HIM. Clean your soul and mind. Do your best...and leave it to HIM.

The remaining days we saw lots of pilgrim from India...they put me to shame too. I spend thousand of ringgit to get new stuff...my abaya...scarf...shoes...tasbih..hijab..these pilgrim came with whatever they hv. Its the ibadat that matters...

I saw a group of ladies from Kolkata...their hijab probably has been recycle so many times. They were divided into groups with different color of hijab.  And I saw a group of men....their Ihram still made of cotton. New Ihram is towel type...

I am not pious overnight thats for sure..but I do understand many things that I don't before. We have to take care of our relationship with Allah....nothing else matter rather than our creator. HE will take care of us.

All those dunia matters...does not matter anymore. Up to the extend I do not mind if I am just a clean lady at Masjidil Haram... One solat there equal to 100,000 solat at other we perform..life is so peaceful. 

I m not worry about food as well. Feast on whatever it is that available. Skip meals is not a big deal.

We did outside tour too. Went to Jabal Rahmah then visit Arafah...mina and mudzalifah. 

We grew up to know that when you are old you should go for Haj. We should change the mindset. Go while your health is still good. 

To perform all the ibadat takes up a good mental and physical health. Umrah is not a big deal...the crowd is less...but Haj we are looking at millions each season.

Days passed and it is time to go to Madinah. Feel so sad to leave...

It was 5 hours journey from Makkah to Madinah. We stop at Wadi Qudait for dinner. 

The mutawif reminded us to be more patience in Madinah. Hold your patience as much as you can. 

I cried a lot in Madinah. It is overwhelm feeling... I read about Rasulullah all my life..to set foot in Madinah and to walk into Masjid Nabawi I cannot hold my tears. I did not make it to Raudah...there was so many people. Solat at Masjid Nabawi gave you that feeling...a feeling of missing Rasulullah s.a.w

Our outside tour ..wevwent to Masjid Quba and pass by Masjid Qiblatain plus Masjid Billal bin Rabah.

Pass by the Baqi tomb...sad that only men are allowed. How lucky if only women too can enter. Give salaam to all Rasulullah family and friends. They will be the first tomb being brought to life after Rasulullah on judgement day.

These two Haram land touched me so deep that I want to go again.... In sya allah...



Sent from my iPad

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Could not agree more. So many changes lately at my work place. We are venturing into new programmed and support. Changes is good. Life is a journey after all. We fall, hit by a bus ..run by a car or simply can be just dancing our way...either or it will be something worth to remember.

My home is wonderfully occupied. Few more touch up and it should be done in no time. My last sister settle in college. Stern reminder to keep her ground. We will keep our eyes on her like a sniper. Advice and words of wisdom to her has already been beyond our limits. It is in her hands now. 

If she chose a successful one then victory is hers. If she chose otherwise then nothing much we can do. Success and victory of life comes in different terms and level. Depending on individual...some chose to life a simple life while others crave for shooting stars.

To me, as long as our life journey is full of good deeds and we learned from every experienced that we've walk through ...it is already a successful journey. Dollar and cents cannot buy happiness but it is much more comfortable crying in a car rather than on the road. So we pick our switch accordingly.

I guess the key ..very basic key in our life is we must be grateful for what we have first. Stop looking for things that we do not have. Why not start with those that we have around us. It can be anything....

I am so grateful even to wake up alive daily. God has given me a chance to live yet another day. How will my day be ? I don't know but .....I will start with a very positive vibes. 

Who does not have problem ? Loneliness and sadness....everyone walked through it. At times we feel our life partner is not the person whom we hope he/she is to be. Analyze carefully during this time...it is really he/she that hopeless ? When we find/found some one's mistake - do take into consideration what he/she has did it correctly or rightfully.

Pointing fingers at flaws is the easiest things to do. Can that flaws be polished or shape up ? If yes then do it. Or better still, before looking at other's flaws ...take a look at ourselves - are we that perfect ? I m sure we are not.

20 years being on my own - walked through hell and heaven. What I am today is very much because of the wrong and right choices. 

I've learned the art to love myself and be grateful with what I have. Then, I make plans to live a better live. 

Simply try not to chase for something I don't have..filing in the gap so I thought my life will be happier if I have this and that. Reality is ....I am already a very happy person. 

My family, lover, friends and even my job....place to stay, clothes to wear, ability to taste food, healthy and many more...these are my daily grateful to my creator.

Never fail to thanked God for what I have in my life. Cast a pray to HIM with list of things that I want.

Of course HE may give or may not give but I trust in Almighty God...HE may not give me what I want but HE will give me what I need. 

We all crossed that wrong path many times. Still doing it too for some...whatever it is most important we know when and where to stop.

How well we want to exhale and change to live a better life. Things that hurt you, make you sad and live miserably should be stop. 

There is a saying  ~ One cannot ride your back unless you bend it. It means the choice is ours. We chose to be happy or to be hurt or to be sad....it is our choice.

Do not ever let anyone hurt ourselves for whatever reason it is. Have pride and sense of protection. 

And do not ever ever beg or bow to anyone for a mercy if at all we did not do anything wrong.

That is so wrong...so so wrong....

Live in a manner of  "Do not do anything that you do not want people to do to you"

God give us mind, body and soul...use it wisely. As long as we stand on correct path then there is nothing to be worry about. Truth will always be truth AND a lie will forever be a lie.

If we living a lie then a lie it is.....no matter how much we try to bring happiness to it....promise heaven and rainbow - it will not happen.

Whilst if we stand on correct ground...all that could happen is challenged and obstacle to stay afloat.

We will have less people around or less popular but hey...we have that peaceful night sleep guaranteed.

Be very careful too in telling others about ourselves. People rather applause when they saw us collapse. Few will lend their hands. 

It is during the worst times of your life that you will get to see the true colors of the people who say they care for you.

Life is a journey after all...through good and bad we sure will learned something....strive and exhale.

Be a better person than a day before. Count our blessing and live to the fullest.

This wonderful June is my Birthday month. Come a long way - hitting 38 years of age has been worthwhile. 

Base on Greek - the name Georgie means "farmer",...you got to be kidding me!

Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions ~ Dalai Lama

I probably need more than just a feather duster this time. Way too long since my last updates which was in Dec 2013. Five months of 2014.....my life story is amazing than ever. 

I chose to shut it off from the 'lime light' as it was too overwhelmed. It is like I rather curled up in a blanket and lick my own wounds. As amazing as I may said it...full with injuries and I am scared for life. Add on to the collections. 

Late 2013 the wave of obstacle left me almost crippled. It was a foresee trouble from a family member. We gear up our unity and crack our head. How best to solve it. Thankfully it went well in a way but honestly...we all ..me and my siblings wounded beyond words. 

During this hardship...apart from moral support of friends and love ones...the only thing that keep me going was prayers. I bow to my creator faithfully. Cast my doa with full soul...believe in HIS Divine power. At every sujud that I make...non-stop doa to ease our path. To those who knew what happen ...they are more or less speechless. No word can ever describe it....

Not even once I asked HIM why ?....I believe with my heart and soul there shall be an answer to it sooner or later.

Ever since my cousin's called upon on 6th September 2013, life seems to have a new meaning for me. Tried my level best to live life to the fullest. Still something amiss in between and I still put priority on wrong things.

News on death of my friends around the world did not ceased. Although life has a new meaning since but at at times the departure of some scares me.

I chose to keep it low and fly below the radar. No point keep updating the same thing over and over again.
As I said ...my life adventure is so amazing..it will take a while to update it all here. That is a promise I can keep.

1st of May 2014...FB Birthday reminder pops up - Cecil Thilak Ratnayake. A good friend of mine from Colombo whom is working in Bahrain. We are close chat buddy back from travel agent days. Kinda lost contact with him in 2013 but before that he use to call me or chat via FB. Nice loving father and a husband.

Went I went to his FB page.....my heart just froze. He passed away peacefully on 30th August 2013. Funeral held in Negombo, Sri Lanka on 1st September 2013.

I missed that post....I missed that update. My dear friend died....I was on night shift on 1st May 2014. Cannot stop crying. My heart ache.....I m so sorry Cecil....I m so sorry....

I don't think I can do this anymore...feeling helpless and regret at every death encounter. I don't do them any wrong ...it is just that guilt because we are too busy indulging in our own life.

Somehow I felt responsible not to stay afloat keeping in touch. It is no one 's fault....that is the truth...
things happen.

Since that day...I sort level up. This time when I say nothing more important than my friends and family...
I mean it from the bottom of my heart.

I am now allocating time and plan my day accordingly. Work is fully work - dedication. Off work is my quality time with friends and family. I am not going to answer anything that got to do with my work during my off or leave day. That is my time...quality time.

Now since my sister shift in with me....life just get better. I am a full time 'mom'. Its fun and rewarding.

Next in the list is visiting those I have not visit for some times. I m so homesick too. Suppose to drive home but my parent came visiting instead. Maybe Eid will be my next holiday.

Things that don't kill you makes you stronger they say. They did not however tell you that your life has level up. What matters does not matter anymore.

Calm sea does not make skillful sailor. At every ceased of a storm we should be getting a better vessel.

I come from a boat to speedboat ....and now I am on a Cruise ship. Foresee a dark cloudy days ahead.
Sure there is a rainbow somewhere....I got to sail through to find it.

Should I survive the next storm....I will demand a sub-marine.

Each conjuncture comes from God, it is the lesson we learned from it

Each conjuncture given to HIS servants according to our ability to accept. HE will not give to us something that we cannot carry or dealt with.

At the end of each conjuncture we have a chance to become a better person than ever.

There is always a harder conjuncture if we think ours is hard enough. Be bless and always look at things surround us through our soul. Beyond the naked eyes.

I have no idea what tomorrow brings....but I know what I will be doing for sure - Quality time with my love ones - Friend and Family.

Good or bad I will be just grateful kicking n living this amazing live...

Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio :

To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. 
Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come...

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

Seasons greetings! Ending 2013.....

Seasons greetings! Ending 2013.....

I am fully swing night shift after come back from long holiday. Went back home to my parent. My last trip was during my cousin's funeral. Thereafter only a phone call to my parent.

It is such a wonderful feeling to be home. All of us came back as well. Both my sisters flew down from KL. I took coach home on Wednesday, Shan tailed along by Friday. So is the rest of them ; 3 of my sisters.

My journey was a huge challenge in away. Coach did not arrive on time though it is schedule to leave 0830am. By 0900am the ticket counter staff informed us to board the double Decker coach that will leave by 0930am. I am so reluctant. I hate that double Decker coach.

0915am our coach finally arrive only to find out that it is a substitute coach. The executive could not make it. Driver was on MC or something. The replacement coach was shabby, old and stinky. Felt riding a fish market. I got my single seat...smelly and curtain dangle all over. I am holding a patience as a Saint by then.
Swear to God I am so pulling the RCP attitude. Shan reminded me, just hang in there. Things happen for a reason. Don't spoil your mood over things you cannot control. Just sit back, relax and think bright ahead that you are going home.

Settled, I changed my seat..put on some music and doze off for rest of journey. Ride home was easy then.
Upon arrival my school friend pick me up...ex-bf to be exact. 20 years I did  not see him. We went for lunch. Dad call me once to check where am I. He send me home. Invited him in for a cuppa. Chat a bit with my parent and we continue to share lots of stories in between.

While on the way, I spoke to Zul. Told him I am coming home today. Hope to see him later as well. He came the same night. I was so delighted and happy. 20 years apart as well. He is a changed man. Life has really took him for a ride. He is married to far relative from my mom side. Hurmm...small world then.

One thing strange about this guy now, he seek forgiveness from everyone in our group. I mean, it is ok to certain extend by my heart sense there is more to it than just saying sorry. I m going to find that out soon.

Next in the list was another buddy of mine - Rajisman Ali. Little that I know, someone felt hurt by my photo updates. Suhaimi Rashid was so upset that I had no intention of meeting up with him. He was the one who found me via Hafizd and yet I did not acknowledge it at all. Oh my..oh my. Apologize deeply,..how inconsiderate I am. Too indulge into these three that I forgot him. We met the next day for a tea.

Friday was the arrival of my sweetheart and rest of the princess. My 2nd sister arrived on last flight from KL. Her luggage did not arrived. That has caused lot of inconvenient for her. All her baby stuff is inside the luggage. Filed report and seek assistance from my office. Lucky it arrives the next day. They came to deliver it.

Saturday, late afternoon I went to Kuantan for our school reunion. It was held at a bowling center. Met both of my school mate for the first time too in 20 years. Nina and Elly Halim.

Met up with rest of the team at the bowling center. It was a wonderful moment and finally I met Rajisman Ali. It was almost tearfully. Quick to pull me aside, we had a heart to heart chat. I  miss him so. He said, 20 years he search for me. So many tales and stories. We are parted into our own path, 20 years vanish in the thin air.

Back to the group....tournament begin. I didn't join. My wrist injury prevent it. We had so much fun. This group of mine nothing literally changed. Married with kids ...but still kid at heart. We laugh so hard at each other..teased so hard. I had to leave by 0800pm. Could not join the dinner.

Two of my primary school friends came over for dinner to see me. I must be so absent minded that I forgotten, I m going home. They got a bit upset. Make up with them on Monday before me and Shan depart home. These two Effa and Azlina is a different level of people. With them I can share more of what I do for a living. Leveling with them is easier. Current affairs or even global revolving matters can be a good topic to talk about.

While the rest is merely for fun and hell break lose all the time. One of my friend said, hearing the tales of how funny and nonsense my school batch is...one can go cuckoo! Now you know..

Sunday was a lazy day. Went out late evening to meet up with another batch. These boys...nothing can ever changed them. Same old teasing attitude.

Reality check came soon after. Back to work...busy day. Sleeping like a dog...work and juggle my time to find a quality living.

Hit with a sad news. My manager is leaving. He is going back to music industry. Few of other colleague left.

Suddenly I felt so empty. My manager might be many things. He is not the superb manager but we get along well. Every time if I need to throw my tantrums over job issue, he will be the one to have to listen. Comfort zone...he is gone now.

With so many empty desk around the office, I felt strongly it is time for me to make a move too. I am trying hard for a better opportunity. Nothing positive came by yet. Hopefully soon.

Before I leave for my long holiday, attended my friend's sister engagement. Held at one Brahmin Hall Asst. In Jalan Ipoh. When me and Shan arrives its almost over, guest are having dinner. It catches my eyes that I saw my friend's father standing at the corner of the hall entrance....I sensed already something is not quite right.

Went straight in...say hi to the happy couple..took few photos. Met his mom and she quick to pull my hand aside...there was some turbulence earlier caused by her husband..well that explained it. I told her to calm down and hold their horses. Let the ceremony completed and the rest we settle outside. She seems very upset and annoyed by what happened.

 I did not see my friend anywhere so me and Shan decided to fill our tummy first. Then I saw my friend..he was about to marched after his father whom keep causing trouble...his mom grab him then..

I said hi and calmed him down....not even second after a huge argument broke outside the temple. War of words....I walk to Shan whom is about to finish his meal...told him what happen. I said we better leave...its getting to complicated and it breaks my heart to witness this. He agreed...I went in to bid farewell to the couple. My message to her is...take care and hold your patience..no matter what. Puzzled...she said ok. The hall music is loud enough to shield the embarrassment outside.

Both of us make our way....feeling very disturb. Personally I knew this thing will happen...I have been in that family for almost 10 years. Its very delicate and complicated matters. Especially when it comes to family issue. It is a known problem. 

Oldies can be beyond reason at times. They brought us up with morals, value and religiously manner. As they are getting old..they can be beyond help. We learned over the years...they can be a person that we should not look up for but rather a living example that we shall not end up as such. For some...they are lucky enough to have parents as role model.

I make my way to my God mother's house. Dear Donny is celebrating his birthday. Full house..everyone is there. We got together famously...chat..drink and cake cutting. Spend time to chat with almost all of them. 

This family has been in my life for almost 7 years now...like every other family including mine..we are broken in some way but fast to mend it...so no matter what we stick together with all those scars and wounds. That what makes us stronger. There were days we clawed each other...of the many that we hug each other.

This pet brother of mine is the black sheep of the family. Big time trouble maker. Not much progress since. He live a day at a time...future plan..zero. Junkie in way..bottles his best friends. He has a heart of gold..only if his path is correctly set. A lawyer or at least a pilot he is I can say.  

Despite the celebration..I went home with a huge hole in my heart. Reached home at 1am..showered and sleep.

One may enjoy being connected vis media social..others might be in person..while some spend time travelling around the world...no matter what we have our own way to stay connected..and finding purpose of living. Turbulence..stormy days came and go...make do with what we have the most.

This year of 2013, there has been too many departure. It sadden me to the level of numb. Today my dear colleague father passed away. I came in early for my shift to fill in. 

I am so beyond bad news now. Upon hearing the lost ...be it sudden or numbered days...I don't even know how to react anymore....

When I said I am so so loved...it is also a mirror to those around me. You only get back what you give...simple! This love and being loved works both ways. Love and respect is earned...it will have to start internally..then only the rest fall into places.

Our attitude says a lot about things that happen in our life. If you can't find humor in what life throws at you then you have not reach the happiness level yet...be sad when you need to, be happy when you should...

Nobody is perfect....live life to the fullest. Life is really really so short.