Working night shift again. Two more nights to go. Alhamdulillah my health is getting better. Still ban from heavy or hard work. Just get my finger busy ..giving out and pointing instruction to my beloved Shan..to do this and that. Salute him to hold patience as a Saint..after all to handle me is not easy.
Not long after my last post updates that early morning...I was then a victim of racism. Damm it hurt so so bad! Cleaned up my FB friend list. Wipe out the entire blood relations ties and those profile picture that shows 'black'. I got no time for this nonsense. It has become plain annoying to see racist, politics and provocation. Cut the crap and just move on.
The pain for racism is beyond words can tell. Trust me, the hardest point to swallow is when I am standing a ground where I am surrounded by multi racial people around. Yes, there was exchange or words, opinions and commencements but it is business as usual over at my end here. We don't bring this matter into our daily routine...or maybe we are too busy to even notice it.
That day I went home wounded to the very core. Not only the remarks...the insult was unbearable even. God I hate it !..it did not stop there though. Upon I gave a piece of my mind, further insult came claiming it was not regret after all whatever that has transpired.
I was asked to change my name, religion and even label a traitor to my own race. My own race ? which makes me wonder...which one? as I have few blood of different race inside my vein...
At the end I chose to remain silent. I m not going to make two fools into an argument. It is pointless.
It took me hours after the first encounter to respond. Not because of I am afraid of them. It is just I am still finding the right word to shot back. Right words and sentence sharp enough yet smart enough not to bring further damage. Still I am so considerate and careful in fighting back.
War of words is easy to exchange but often does not serve the purpose. I am glad that I sat back and took time to respond. It is not the victory nor failure that counts. It is all about the level of respect at least in humanity manner.
Why this happen, simply because failure to respect of one to another. Maybe all these while I am living in denial that acceptance is always there. While the truth is, I never did fit in. I should had left it the way it is.
I shall only blend in but should not fit in.
It is funny how these type of people look so high up to the sky until they forget how green is
What happen that day was like a wake up call. It is time for me to move on and bring along myself with it. I forgive them with all my heart and may Allah forgive me as well.
Wound will heal...scar will remain and fade away. How am I going to face them again in the near future, I have no idea yet. Either we just ignore even upon rubbing shoulders or just pretend it never happened.
Whatever things that you want to do or say...always think twice. People say think too much and nothing will happen. Well, it is better than no thinking at all and casualty happen.
We all came from different level and background. Never ever under estimate or judge a person without know his/her history of life. As I said before, our collectible sins are merely because of words and speeches.
Even if we speak it in our heart it is enough to call it a sin. I am no angel, far from perfect anyway. At the end of the day, God knows probably how many bags or kilos of sins that I have made. Those that done with intention already one chapter, those un intentionally...hell break lose.
Follow your heart too much will kill you....follow your feeling too much will destroy you. We are give a set of mind to think, analyze and make wise decision. It may not be the best decision ever but the least we pause, think and then only make a move. Not blindly...
I am bless and always thankful for all that has happen to me for the pass 3 years. It has been tremendous change. My wishes fall into places....many more to achieve. Insya Allah ..may it will be mine. Even if it does not, I am still blessed and thankful for others that already in my hand.
Loneliness does hit me at times, apart from losing people along the way there are those that I remove myself from them. I did not do it because of hatred..it is just our path differ.
To those who read this piece of blog, if you cannot find or link me in FB...I m sorry. I would like to fly below the radar for now.
Stay in bed and lick my own wound....then I am up and running...life goes on.
"If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward." ~ Martin Luther King Jr
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