If only.....



This remind me of you....for sure...

Travel back in time...never failed to cheer me up in a way







"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity." - Albert Einstein

"Yesterday is but today's memory, tomorrow is today's dream." - Kahlil Gibran

As complicated as it may sound...it is true though. Somehow things just go back and forth in between you are juggling with your daily life. Life itself is task, there is not guide book or LIFE for dummies out there. Its just what you made of it and how you walk through it that matters.

When I joined this great company, my ambition is really clear. Where I want to be and what I want to do. Every step taken carefully carved so the least it heads where it supposed to be. Hence, opportunity to return back to travel line passed by my doors like there is no tomorrow. Suddenly every other friends are looking for senior and experience personnel to assist their full hands. Hiring newbies is a challenge it seems.

Well the news is, my heart just fear to go back to the field where I knew in detail what is all about. My new field now is full of new things to learn and pursue.

Then in the mid when opportunity came, I am unfit to accept the offer. The task given to carry our national flag and travel abroad represent the nation had to be forgotten and let go. All because of my diagnosis.

My superior made that offer obviously of my capability. I am proud to be in the list selected. Exactly one year in the company I shine. All because of hard work. Hard work always pays off.

I had a deep thought and consult my doctor before any decision made. Its one of the hardest I must say. To let go a dream is not something easy to do. It takes courage and strong will power. I am blessed to have that strong love for myself. This shield of loving myself first, impact the decision one way or another.

Health is ones treasure. Money can buy health yes, but I am not in that rank. So to speak, I let go of this opportunity due to my health. As much as I want to chase my dream, I can't do it if I am not fit.

Yesterday was the day that I just want to stay in bed and lick my own wounds. I felt heavy and empty at the same time. Today was a better day. Grey in a way but I choose to heal the wound. Take a step to improve my health. I can stay wounded for ever but what good does it do. Shan took me out for dinner, he tries his level best to cheer me up. Even my clone Joanna tries to make me change my mind.

It is said that opportunity came knocking at the point you least expected.  I believe life isn't that bad. There is always reason for everything. We might not get the answer now, the best it leave it as it is. Sooner or later we will know why it is not ours. Even if there is no answer to it,... let it be. Sometimes
things are best to left unanswered.

What tomorrow would be? I do not know. But I know what I am going to do and where I am gonna be. The rest is in HIS hand. I did not leave it to HIM to do the planning, I do have plan...that alone for me is good enough.

HE won't let me carry something that I can't bear. That is a certainty. If it is too  heavy for me, all I have to say is...Dear GOD ! a little help here please...I can't carry this anymore.

How do I really felt about him...

Regrets, I had a few...but then again too few to mentioned...

Armed with feather duster....dusting away this blog of mine. Been ages since any last update here. Time..just could not find the time to do this lately. Pretty occupied by changes and new challenge that just knock on my door recently.

Tough road ; very bumpy ride. Cut and bruises is a norm to me nowadays. It just keep piling up on top of what another.

I m standing strong and steady. Nothing can bring me down. I will tackle this with brave heart. Give those challenge hell of a fight.

Tough time at work nowadays, not because of the job but because of not enough staff. My working time table is back to back, really tiring at times. Lucky for me, our team bond are so strong. We rely on each other for support to the maximum. This wall that we have are solid, can be tougher if we blend together more. Nothing then can bring us down.

There is a recent invader in the office, drives us to the wall. I wonder at times how does people cannot realize their attitude so annoying. Collective respond and behaviour from many against one person ; still the own self did not realize ..you just don't fit it. Your attitude ain't right.

I told my superior just the other day...Wise person speaks because there have important thing to say. Fools speak because it is important for them to say something.

It is said that don't be a hater because when we judge someone, we don't define them but we define ourselves. Hmmm....try and stand on the same floor as we does with this one human character. Then we talk.

My health decline rapidly, with weight issue seems there is no boundaries of it. Pull up all the courage I went to consult a Gynecologist. Little that I knew, what ever problem that I have to date is related
from one another.

After diagnosis confirm,  here comes the medication. I never received such tables in my life. One month supply of 90 over tablets. Once consume, this tablet kind of solve most issues that I have.

All these I take a baby step to do it. Of course I am ambitious enough to run on the treadmill everyday or swim every other day. But that kind of rush activity will only last short term. Its not easy to get a way from the norm. When people say determination, agony and pain...feel every of it then the victory is as sweet as it can get.

I am bless that it is not cancerous. Though it can lead to that in many years to come if treatment is not sought.
I feel much much better these days. Most important I start to eat right and watch my diet carefully. It feel good when results are showing. I am back on track to what I used to be.

Along the way as well, a friend introduce MonaVie juice to me. After taking it for about a week, I can say for the first time in months I slept well and woke up with high vitality.

The worst thing that happen resulting from all these was the medical bill. Sadly, it cost a bomb, beyond what I can afford as middle class range. There is no point to say how I wish I have this and that. It is of course not too late for the cure, it does help if prevention is taken at early stage.


Value health. It is the greatest thing one can have. Dollar and cent does not have value if we can't enjoy what we want to do.

I've come to a point where I am done seeing someones adventure. I want create my own adventure and going places again. The only way one can achieve that is by having an excellent state of health.