Tame Lioness: April 2013

You can replace me..but you can't replace the memories you had with me...

A month plus and here I am, back to the reality of my path. Depart late morning. Shan came to fetch me home. There was a change in plan. Dad wanted to do his left eye cataract. Thankfully all went well.

Luckily after this second surgery he did not look into much of things. We discharge on the same day. His friend too was admitted. Heart problem. He came by to visit my dad. Ex colleague of my dad.

While waiting for discharge procedures me and dad chatted...I asked him why he did not continue servicing TNB after retirement. He said...his wanted to have a clean record. They offered him but he declined. Enough he said..years of devotion. Those moments of ups and downs. Politics, conspiracy and all.

Then stories ventured into family feud...the bigger family matter. All I can say we cannot change the truth but truth can change us. Whatever that stirred or still stirring now...let it be. I do want to have even a part of it.

Finally the discharge clearance came and we drove home.

Two days back as I was packing..mom shed tears...she can't believe that I am leaving soon. Dad's mood swing also tell same story. I was fighting back tears upon saying good bye. Cried all the way till we reach Gambang Toll. It was indeed healed many of my inner feeling. Shan said, we will be back again for sure.

Late evening yesterday, my childhood friends came by...we often chatted on FB. Having to grow up together even we went to school together...the bond of relationship remain strong. Couple of years back we came to know that we are very much related. It's from my dad's side. Far relation.

Chatted heartily until it is almost time for evening prayers. Little that I know they follow this blog of mine. For that Yati n Zuren...thank you. I am glad simple stories of my thought inspires you in many ways.

These two sister are very much family devoted, like most of us...parent is everything. They too kept an eye on my parent. On the day when my day's car caught fire, it was on of their brother came to aid and send my dad home.

Me and Yati just a year part of age. We knew each others friends as well. I seek news of the good old days from her at times. Shared news and gossip for couple of school friends. Just to keep in the loop. Those that are good..keep it. While those bring trouble..eliminate.

Like me, these two are often bug with marriage and settling down. I told them just let it be. People talked and asked so many things. Don't bother much...these nosy human they don't walk our path.
They don't know what we have gone through. Often, people came around and poke their nose into other's business.

So much so...spending time over a month with my parent as I said before..healed many wounds plus I am looking into venturing home for good. Will do up some homework and set timeline for a journey back to the root.

It's late evening now and I am in different location...home..my home. Few days back, my friend Illy Ariffin shared with my email to her before I left YTL. I love her super positive attitude. She often review her achievements or failure a year to date on the eve of her birthday. Among her self review were list of supportive gesture from friends and families.

After reading back the email..I realise that I too will climb further. Looking back... I have made it this far.

Don't measure ourselves against others blindly. I mean...as long as we make progress, climbing steps ahead...that is an achievement. Be proud that we are not the same as we are before at least a year ago.

Pray and cast your doa carefully. Our dear God might not grant it immediately...have faith. Most important...have a clean heart.

Off late I begin to forgive of those who really had do me wrong. One step at a time. Just wise enough forgiveness to give...but I am not fool again to blend in. It's gone...lesson learned.

I told Yati yesterday as we parted...it is nice to hear about the good old days...but we are not going to blend into those parted path...it is merely memories..

And memories are to be cherished....it's a good reminder, benchmark or even life lesson...

p/s : I got mini iPad...gift from Shan...

Mid day warm sea breeze....gaze upon the star by night.....

A week more to go.. I m healing fine. Inner stitches still gives pain sometimes. I am able to consume solid food this week. Which I feel like to celebrate it.

As time passed and as I am spending time preciously with them at home...it makes me realize in greater manner how long it has been that I step out to venture into my own world.

Sitting down in the middle of chaotic days with my super hyper nephew or even to handle never change of attitude from both my parent...the good old days memories just flow like river.

There are days that I sit in the car with my dad ..going to school to fetch my brother...short sightseeing for someone quarantine like me...its a great pleasure though. It is the same school that I went before...my dad always inform that little devil nephew..this is where we went to school including your mom. He just grin and asked which school shall he go..is is gonna be the same. My dad teased him that since he is super naughty, he will send to the swamp instead...no school.

Dad did his cataract surgery last week. Camp at Kuantan Specialist for a night just to tend to his needs. All went well. Hilarious moments, as his vision becoming clearer he start to notice most of things he unable before. He gaze deep all over his physical appearance and asked my mom why that his skin is so tan. Mom was a bit puzzle....she said I did not recall you ever have Caucasian skin though...

It was a simple procedures. Since it is just a day admission, we were give two bedded room. The other patient was middle age gentleman. Hospitalize due to fever...did not recover even after two weeks. He work with Petronas division. Nice guy. That night I told him politely that, my dad snores in his sleep. Me being a bit apologetic. He said, its alright as he is the same, snores in his sleep. That was it...I ended up blinking till wee hours..hearing orchestra from both bed.

The next day while waiting for discharge procedures, he had a light chat with my dad. Turn out to be both of them has one thing in common. Fishing ! Hell break loose. One story to another, snapshot sharing, story telling. The call for signing of bill delayed for an hour. Until mom came, then only he departed to attend to the discharge procedures.

Phone number exchange as well. That nice gentleman would like to come and take a look at my dad's fishing gear collection. He sold off most of it. Great deal of price cause most of it are vintage. The new found friend listen with full interest. He express regret in away...if only they have met earlier, he would love to buy those vintage fishing gear.

Me on the other hand listen with full interest. At times, we don't really value much things that our parent has. Especially from their era.

I remember much by now that my dad used to bring back buoys from those fisherman's net. It made of glass. Pure glass...all sort of sizes. Nowadays, fisherman used buoys made from plastic. Dad said, that glass buoys were made then since before World War II. Most that he collects were washed away to shores. We had lots of it. I guess they threw it ways or some maybe broken.

Currently if one wish to purchase those glass buoys...it has to be from collectors only. Not many too willing to sell it away. Again, vintage collection.

My dad's greatest hobby is fishing. We grew up feasting on his daily catches. To be honest, I can't take the King prawn anymore, it gives me that stomach discomfort. Those days, fresh water fishes and prawns does not have market value. We enjoyed it very much. Nowadays, it cost a great deal of price. As the development take place, their habitat also destroyed along the process. Its not easy to fish them anymore.

Dad does not go fishing much nowadays. With vision limitation, its not safe for him.

He spend his days coaching table tennis if there is any tournament. Small town like this, everybody knows everybody. Or he will go to the hospital, visit some of his friends...they all under one complete package. Some has heart problem, diabetic, hyper tension..name it. At old age, a visit from friends does means a lot.

I am so ambitious to do some painting. With my dad's guidance of course. Sadly, I am not as talented as he is. The project still on going. His painting will take a while to finish...since his vision has improve in away...he has big plan to start painting again.

Mom on the other hand spend her days full swing right from she wake up. My nephew is one thing, she did most house chores while I help minor things. She seems to have plenty to do. Both of them infact...I can't tell for sure what but they are busy with daily routine.

Yesterday, took my nephew to GH. He was coughing and start to breathe uncomfortably. Upon knowing we are taking him to see Doctor, he begin screaming, kicking ..wrestle everyone....we ignore it. My dad gave spank on his butt....that make him even more rebellious...in the end when we arrive at GH he comfortably wants my dad to go with him all the way till the nebulizer room. So much so for all the drama pulling....sigh !...vomit blood ...

Two days back, I got serious urine infections. Weather here are so humid..worst than Sahara I guess. Sweat and all...started. Here, there is only one clinic that we went to. That GP now almost 65 years old. Given Datuk title by the Sultan in honor of his service. The friendly nurse told me that I started to visit their clinic when I was 5 years old. Oh My !...i am 37 years old now. That is a long time.

Even with my childhood neighbor we 'talk' on FB most of the time. I did seek from her on some of our schoolmate. Those that parted away due to differences plus own path. I spent only 3 months at home after SPM. After result came out, I made my was to college. Leave behind this small town.

Did bump into some of them once a while when I am back. But there are some that vanished. God knows where they are. I have several on my mind that I wish to make peace with. Found one last night....few more to go...hope that I can find them before I make take my leave again.

From these rapid development as I witness it, some of places are no more in existence Demolish to make way for new buildings, bridges, highways, hotels...etc.

For now, I am enjoying my stay. Parent's sanctuary...best remedy ever. I fell asleep to the sound of cricket chirping and wakes up by the chicken crowing in the morning. Took a nap in the hot sunny mid day by the veranda....warm breeze. We scatter around the house to find cosy corner to escape the humidity.

Over here, we often have sea storm that bring rain once a while during this dry season. Sea storm often carry thunderstorm.....and the best thing I enjoy here is to gaze upon stars at night.....millions of it that you don't see in the city light.....