Everything is going to be Alright, maybe not now or today but Eventually....

Two weeks home and counting. Wounds are still healing...so far so good. Days are spend relaxing and assist my parent in all possible ways. Since I can't help much with heavy stuffs...I just do simple stuff.

Attend to my super active, hyper and naughty nephew. Handful.....I have my voice screaming at him most of the time. Minus a few spank on his butt....which leave him running to my mom or dad to hide. Even that also he still tell them that I am the bad guy...He knew very well all those naughty things that he did was wrong....just plain naughty. He can really rock the house upside down.

There are times he said that he feels like to cry....and he did...for no absolute reason. Screaming and yelling in tears like a mountain gorillas.

My youngest sister came back last weekend. She finally convinced my dad that she want to take express coach home. For the first time dad said yes. After all she all grown up already. Its good to see her. The last I saw her was last Eid I think. Getting matured and wiser. Whoever that she is with now in terms of love matters..hope it is for the best interest of both worlds. Involve in Blue Blood rank is not always a good thing.

Accompany my dad for another check up too, went to eye specialist. He need to remove cataract. Nothing major just simple procedure. Its common issue nowadays. I m gonna company him all the way. Thereafter only will the spectacles come in handy.

Sitting around at home with my aging parent...its a great eye opener. It makes me realized how much things change in away. Their ways and attitude does not change much....they speak and let go about each other in my presence. All I did was ...yes...alright..yup...hmm. Don't involve much in husband and wife problem..especially if they have been married for almost 40 years...

As much as they look at us as a child forever in their eyes, we tend to look at them as the same parent that we grew up with before we spread our wings into the outside world. It is important to stay connected. Always remember to bite your tongue....trust me...it is worth to do so...unless of course if your set of parent is abuser or criminals..that is a different issue....

Venturing into small income churning at this golden age..was not an easy thing to do as well. Challenges came in many directions. From type of guest that stays over...to psychical challenges of cleaning, mopping and changing bed sheets. Replenish and also maintenance.

If only these small town of mine are touristic enough I don't mind running the Home Stay. It is seasonal. Let see what I can do...may we can get long term contract from those automotive industrial. It will be a good revenue.

Dad has vision issues...mom on the other hand still fits but not as fit as before either... Took over some correspondence and updating matters. Just to keep things handy. I re-write again phone numbers, bank account and also my dad's medication in bigger writing, easy for him to see it. Even today, I helped him to cut and trim his finger nails. Usually mom does that for him when she has free time.

24 hours of my day to day since two weeks ago still very much in tranquility. The best moment was to sit with them and chat. I don't like to cause trouble to anyone....carry myself well even they are my own parent. Don't be a burden to anyone if possible...ensure you have the right person that able to aid you thoroughly...

Its not necessary have to be your own blood.... Recognize these faces during your hardship...Trust me I have recognize mine....

Great tranquility of heart is his who cares for neither praise not blame ~Thomas a Kempis

A week passed since the surgery day. I am now happily resting at my parent's sanctuary. All are well, the fact that I have to only take porridge as my meal...errr not that exciting but I have no choice.

My dad bought ikan haruan or snakehead (i guess its the head shape snake like)....Mom cook steam it with ginger and all. Nicely gobble up... :) coz it is very nice. My terms and condition cut the head away.

So to speak as it is only three days...see another week or so if I m still spirit up with the snakehead or not. Come to think of it...my mom said it is the best skin beauty remedy. No need all those collagen injection ...supplement all..just eat this fish. You will be amazed. Ok...to date am up for it...

I did not trouble my parent much as I can walk and move around comfortably. Dad took me to our family doctor. Upon discharge that day, Dr Selvam did dressing on the wound and change the plaster. Due to sweat, my skin itches. Scratched it and the plaster wide open. Then our family doctor here said, the wound is healing fine, no need plaster anymore. He gave saline and antiseptic cream to apply.

Later that night I found out that the clip wound torn a bit. Exposing my flesh. Oh My ! Mom start to nag as I moved about too much. Well its a huge house....not like three steps and I m in bathroom....she put the antiseptic cream again. Dad was worried too.

I called up the office, seek medical advise from our Doctor on duty. Happen to be its Dr A. Hurrmmm hell break loose a bit. He just advise me to go to nearest Specialist available the next day.

Went to Kuantan Specialist, took my dad along for his routine check up too. I was referred to a Gynecologist immediately. Nice and pleasant lady. She said nothing to worry about. Just keep the wound dry always. She gave a tube of antiseptic. She advise me to ensure I have the biopsy report. Give them a copy if possible. Since I came here for a follow up, it is good that they have for their record.

Cyst can be many things she said. Ok, now I am worried a bit. I guess Dr Selvam will call me if the biopsy report shows something alarming.

My dad on the other hand was OK too. Check up went through smoothly. His Dr did not say much this time since he absent for a month. While my dad still in the check up process I went to the cafe. The owner is my ex schoolmate. He was sure surprise to see me after long years. Heartily laugh his way through and said, what is wrong with you one family. From dad, mom, sister and now you...seems you guys love this place so much huh?...What to do...

I seek from him on some of our good old days buddies. He said, some still around...some are very round in shape...hehehehe...and some he has not see for a long time. We all have own path and careers.

This year I guess is about reunited long lost friends. Foes...well I have not made peace with my pass still. So NO.

As time passed while I am resting here, I am amazed how things and surrounding has changed so much. Rapid development. Some places are no more in existence. Made way for development....

Back at this part of the world, time just stop. Right from I woke up this morning about 0700am. .When we indulge in work, 24 hours just not enough. It has been almost 20 years since I left to venture into my own world.

Through that hard path of young and foolish, I finally found a little tranquility. The question of when I am going to settle down. Well, I will when the time come. This guy that I am having now is a bless and good enough for me. After all those wrongly idiots that I indulged with many years ago.

How my life is, are and yet...as for now I am happy the way it is. Marriage is the least concern on my mind now. The prayers from me to Allah is between me and Allah. Deep down inside my soul ...HE knows.

What people see on the surface is not the same as what lies beneath. For those who concern about my well  being, I appreciate it so much.a Trust me I do. My dear DOA also at times...seek the same question from fatherly point of view. But this path and part......I know better than those who only cast their eyes upon.

If this man that I have now are meant for me....it will be...if not may we have a good life. I know his soul better as he is my man. His life and what he has go through....his respect on me and my religion....

This man has walked with me through blood and tears..I don't need to explain to anyone...maybe I should put my nose out of people's business a bit. So they leave me alone with my own...

I m very disturb for now over this issue. They don't know what we have walked through......though it was a mere concern question. I am torn of being polite and do not want to elaborate further....sigh ! words wound sometimes...or often....

My parent routine circle around my almost 3 years old nephew. Handful and vibrant with his voice plus naughtiness  Reminded me like Denise the Menace. Nonetheless he keep my parent entertained. My operation wound snap open....laughing about his behavior.

Yesterday, vibrantly he said to me...that day on tv there are a show about people fighting, kicking and punching each other. But, he said...all of them wears only underpants. I was like ..What ???..really.. he said, they all wear only underpants and fight. Clueless, I turn head to my mom. She roared with laughter...hmmm
It was WWE - Wrestling,..oh my...innocent mind of child. I laugh my heart out.

This afternoon I asked him to fetch my water bottle. He hand over his junk food to me with a warning...Don't eat it!...as if laa I wanted it so much. When he handed me the water bottle, he covered his mouth and ran away...then came back smiling broadly. I asked  him.....you took a sip of my drink didn't you...he grin ...No I did not. Yeah right...all the junk food debris are sinking at the bottom of my water bottle....can you see how naughty he is...

Then mom handed him a piece of chocolate bread with raisins on it. He scope all the raisins and give me the bread....whatever bread debris that fell on the floor, he rolled it with his foot. God !...I feel an itch to just pinch that skin...eeeiiiii....naughty !!!

Interrupt a bit while updating this blog..got a call from ASTRO. Doing promotion to upgrade to HD decoder with additional cost of course. I said NO NEED. It just leisure for my folks, nothing fancy. Adamant to explain further on the benefit and advantage. I said NO NEED. Still pursuit...wanted to speak to the account nominee which is my sister. What else...have to roar a bit....I said, No need and reason it transparently. Any further question ? No, he said.

See....speak nicely do not want to listen. For no reason, I am the bad person now for picking on a person just earning a living. Wonder what these people thinking at times. We are not back date 50 years ago when people lack of knowledge. Quality of service far less than expected, still very ambitious to hike the price.

Got to go now. Time for my evening meals and medicine...

I am very bless and loved....for that..Thank you dear God.....it has been my long wish to spend time with my parent...20 years since I walked out. Keeping up with my parent now is not easy I know. Thing has not change much. Sitting in silence and chatting with my dad...just make me realize how old they are.

Always pray for your parent. Does not matter if they are around or in heaven...it bring so much blessing into your life.

Rassulullah SAW pernah bersabda :

”Setiap pagi sedekahkan al-Fatihah kepada kedua ibu bapamu tak kira masih hidup atau telah tiada nescaya pintu rezekimu akan terbuka buat kamu. ”

Berdasarkan Hadith Nabi SAW :

” Tidak akan terputus rezeki seseorang ANAK selagi dia tidak meninggalkan doa kepada kedua orang tua nya dalam sehari.”

Huraian hadith:

Jangan sesekali meninggalkan doa kepada kedua ibubapa (baik yang hidup mahupun yang sudah tiada )

Allah akan memurahkan rezeki kepada mereka yang tidak putus2 berdoa kepada kedua ibu bapa (hidup atau mati) Ingatlah bahawa keredhaan ibu bapa adalah keredhaan Allah SWT

Semasa berdoa, berdoalah dengan bersungguh sungguh tadah tangan dan Bayangkan wajah kedua orang tua kita , termasuk guru-guru kita dan mereka yang banyak menolong kita. Mereka yang lupa berdoa kepada kedua orang tua, akan disempitkan rezeki Oleh Allah SWT.

The greatest wealth is health. ~Virgil

Where shall I begin...let see, the first thing that pop into my mind upon updating this blog was song from Amy Winehouse - Rehab. Don't asked me why but I felt sort.

Third day of the surgery. I able to sit up and do a bit walking. Yesterday was horrible. Doctor and nurses came to assist me to sit then stand up. It feels like a blade slicing through your flesh. I stood and walk a bit, dizzy and they put me to bed again. Cried a bit cause of the pain.

This morning was much tolerable. The nurse came in the morning for routine check then informed me that I can discharge today. Then came along the Doctor...changed dressing and guide me to sit and walk again.
They allow me to clean myself then he said I am ready to leave by tomorrow. Oh boy! one more day.
Lucky they remove the urine tube yesterday evening itself.

My parent will be coming tomorrow. This evening, my third sister came and my cousin too. Chat heartily. They left a while ago.For the entire stay, Shan stayed overnight. Aid me during the middle night in case I need to go bathroom.

Spend half a day sitting up and watch tv. Then remaining hours doozing off. I never see my face so fresh and clear for a long time.

I am blessed to have such a wonderful friends and family. Being the drama queen I am, made known to entire world that I am in for a procedure. Blessing and prayers came from every corner of the world too.

The surgery took place about 09.30am on Tuesday. The Anesthetic Specialist came the night before itself and explained the procedure. He did asked me if I want fully or half body. I rather passed out during the entire procedure. That morning, as I was wheel into the OT (Operation Theatre) the receiving procedure was thorough. They asked me to reconfirm my signature of consent and asked if I knew the surgery is for what purpose.

Then The Anesthetic Specialist came again, put in the drip and injected with two type of medication. One is pain killers and the other is for antibiotic. The night before itself he gave me three tablets for pain killers, antibiotic and I can't remember what.

Took me in the OT and I shifted to the operation bed. It was so so so cold inside there. They have to remain it at that temperature as certain bacteria do not infected in that temperature. They cover me up with a warmer and then start with final injection. The Anesthetic Doctor sang Rozana - Search. I giggled. He just did it to calm me down. That's it ! Black out! I have no idea absolutely.

All I knew, they call my name. I need to shift to another bed. Struggle through and I am wheel back to the ward. The next 4 hours was wake up and sleep...wake up and sleep..groggy, mumbling..name it. I just did not leak out my ATM password..that is all.

Felt the urge to pee...I was complaining I want to pee...then Shan said you got the urine tube just do it. I said NO I WANT TO GO BATHROOM. He said cannot..then I was....Zzzzzzzzz.....

My sister came thereafter...then another one...then my cousin. I woke up ...listen to them...interrupt a bit then... Zzzzzzz....snoring like drunken sailor...happily sleep...Change into single room and I passed out again.

My colleague Sandra came to the hospital too. Her mother was in for a cataract procedure. Minor one, so it is just a day care. She kept me company for a while then her mother came for a visit. There was another friend too. Auntie Thangam. Sandra's mother is a doctor - GP by profession. Dr Shanthi.

First when she walked into the ward, hug and kisses. I m so touched, then we chat. There after she saw bunch of flowers that I got. I said it is from office and one is from a friend. She was a bit taken back as Sandra did not received any from the office while she was in for her procedure earlier.

To make it more worst, she went on to take a closer look what my colleague and team's message was. I can't help to feel for her. A mother's feeling...you know.

Later that evening while having a chat of hi and hello with my Director of Assistant, casually I bring the matter up. He said "Damm...I m so screwed" ...I said Yes you are...hehehe. Give her a hug when u see her daddy." Hope he gave her one today. You can't un do what has happen but I do hope in the future, we play our part more actively.

When we are down with illness or unfortunate event, moral support is very important. Sandra told me that she felt lonely when she came off from the procedure. I said, I make known to the world not so much to create attention. But it is more of the moral support you received.

Our social network are wide, my well wishers are merely phone calls and 99% of it from Facebook. It is ok if you can't make it over to visit but, your prayers and wishes means a lot.

Sandra acknowledge it too, moral support is crucial.

At times, when bad things happen we will look at the world at whole different perspective. Somehow we just learned something from it. Our surrounding people are not that bad after all. There are brushes or scratches that is total waste of time.

Being hospitalized twice in two years...I have a lot to repent for. Counting my blessing on so many many things. All I can say is, stay healthy. Get check up regularly...with so much of preservative in food contain nowadays, we just do not know what is growing inside.

It turned out to be the cyst is size of my fist. It was the major caused of my low blood in years. They send in for biopsy just the check if it is cancer related.

This specialist that I am with was among the best. He is a person who listen and decide what is best for his patience. Being Sandra's family friend, he took extra care on me. I will not hesitate to recommend him to any of my friends too. He is such a responsible and professional person.

I am going to be away for six weeks. Counting from the day I was admitted. Long holiday..rest and retaliate...Rehab after all. After all those well wishes, this week is the recovering method and remedy. Trust me if I say that I can write a book on it.

Life change from one stage to another, what a week for me. I need to self adjust it. Above all...I am thankful to have such a wonderful lover. Shan is the person who able to walk through the mess with me. He stood with me while I m bleeding through and till now he still standing by. All those clinical disposal from me was nothing to him. Rubbing hot ointment all over before sleep to putting up socks for me to ensure the warmness...when a man loves a women...it shows...for that I am so blessed. Amin !

From my friend Illy Ariffin - thanks babe..!

From office...cute message May the Force be with you!

Absence makes the heart grow fonder....

Two days more to the big day. How am I feeling? Well scared a little. Its major surgery after all though not as major as heart transplant still went it comes to open cut, the wound is more internal than external.

What linger in my mind is, what happen if I don't wake up anymore. Or maybe something goes wrong in between. We are putting our life at the stake of those professionals hand. I guess they are more worried than the patient.

We will not know exactly how deep is the water until we been into it. Watching from a far we only felt it in our heart and imagine it mentally. The true feeling is when we are in that situation. Be it good or bad ..happy or sad....victory or failure.

I guess the true inner voice of what lies in our mind and soul only God heard it. The answer won't come immediately but along the way. Putting up a brave face and heart of lion. Cast deep prayer...all well ends well. In religious manner, I have long way to go. Started small..baby step..and I do hope to be able to continue it till I can conquer and calm this stormy heart. It feels good when you do good things.

Had light chat with my work immediate Director. He is the closes father figure we have around in the office. I mean for me and few of my colleague. Share a bit of emotional moment when I seek his forgiveness if any wrong doing all these while. I will do the same with my parents, family and friends too.

Want to know who will be there truly for you ? Just observe during your hard time. Those who around, they are the one that able to move heaven and earth for you. I am blessed to have handful of them. Family is definite...its hilarious this time round...

Both my sisters are plotting to get away from their busy schedule. They can't help to feel bad as next week onwards they are on tight schedule. Well, I am alright with it. Its not like they are doing it on purpose. Things happen. My parent on the other hand gave them a hard time for their absence reason..I can't help but to grin. Such a blue eye I am ! My phone incoming call are heavier too.

Tonight got to do packing for hospital stay and also for journey home. List down all relevant contact in case something goes wrong. Must leave instruction to my dear lover too...in case if things happen out of hand...these are the things he need to do and contact.

Its raining and thunderstorm now...can't really see farther view from my office window. Heavy storm!

Life has been great for me. I am so glad to be able to walk and make it through this far. Will continue living...Insya Allah. If otherwise....I had a great live with wonderful parent, sisters and friends...I am so loved by everyone...

Be grateful of what you have instead of what you don't have. Seeking for challenge in reason to have a better life or rise above, often lead us to look into the loop of emptiness. We did not really see what has already being fulfil.

On all those unanswered question that I have, I m just keeping faith and patience. Someday I will. Often for me, it will come in a very lesson learned manner. I m doing all I can to keep that faith intact.

Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.

Carl Jung

Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans ~ John Lennon

Home sweet home.....I am back in this hectic city. Four days spent with parent just flew away. I had overall a good time. Minus the weight..guilty conscious ! Can't help it. It is just so so good to be home.

We took off in the morning of Friday 1st March 2013. After quick breakfast - McD..the easiest. The journey thankfully smooth and it just got shorter. I guess from the back and forth trip made last year..it sort become shorter in a way.

Upon arrival, my parent was not home. Took that gentle giant - my nephew to hospital for nebulizer. His breathing problem again. It started with cough and minor flu. He cling to my mom the whole time, thus she could not cook for us. I took over the kitchen late evening and prepare dinner for everyone. Then my 3rd sister arrive. She and hubby is going for short vacation to Tioman Island. Rush home a bit early that day since their son are not well. By then, that boy up and running already. I advise her just to proceed with the vacation since all are paid for already. Her son is ok plus I am around too.

They left the next day and I spend time chatting away with my parent. Mom cook Laksa Lemak for me. Help her to prepare a bit. Got my hand full with my nephew round the clock. All sort of thing..goodness he really got us going. That Saturday evening we went out to have dinner at local Indian shop.

It was a bit alarming situation as my dad's eyes sight is getting from bad to worse. He can't see well. Driving at night is definitely a no no.

Not easy to persuade him either to make a new spectacles. After much persuasion he gave in. I was so so worry. Took  him to the optometry the next day. They told him to get the exact reading from specialist. It will be easier. His appointment will be up soon as well. I will check on him too in case he decided to sit on it again.

If I am give a wish...the only thing that I want is for my parent to visit the Holy land. Especially my dad. Just once. It was a topic much shared among their friends lately. Especially those who came back from Visiting. All sort of stories both good and bad. Depending on self experience. Though it is not Haj, Umrah at times can be challenging too.

From those stories that my parent shared with me, all I can say is...much of them are blowing out of per-portion  They don't meant well what they say. Its merely showing off. Empty vases makes more noise.

My dad took it easy...he said let it be. We can't stop people from bragging  Let them say what they want. Whether it is a sweet truth or bitter truth of it....they will deal with Allah SWT anyway. Mom on the other hand took it with disappointing as why does some human have to lie and tell stories. I told her the same, just ignore and pray may their soul be forgiven.

I do admire those that can afford to go either for Umrah or Haj so many times in their life time. Maybe I need to take a look at my needs differently. Too much focus on meeting ends meet sometimes does blinded us. We will never have enough, somehow it will not add up.

How will I do that, well I have no idea as yet but I will work on it. Life after all is about improvement.

So to speak, on Sunday it was a fun outing with my dad, my brother and also that little devil. Mom left at home. Dad spend us delicious briyani. On the way back we stop to buy kuih for tea. My goodness....I m so spoil with choices and it is cheap. Each of those kuih that we bought....just bring me back to my childhood.

On top of all these, my little nephew slashed me with toy truck....ain't cheap man that stuff ! Before he rolled on the floor I just give in. Today before I leave home, saw that toy truck tires already all over the house. Kids ! What can I say....

Before heading home, I stop over to visit my uncle - mom's elder bother. He met with accident last year, dislocate spine. Elderly if they are injured often fatal. They will not get back into their old shape back. My uncle has to lie down after sitting or walking more than 30 minutes. My cousin was not home, its a working days after all. Like my parent they are also mending grand children. They got two opposed my parent with only one. But my uncle's two grandchild still not in comparison with the level of naughtiness of my nephew.

My parent's day went very productive right from they wake up till they sleep. Kinda miss him today.

Second sister just landed from vacation to Aussie. Short trip. Got to catch up with her as well. So much so I am on leave till this Friday, I am full swing with several activities and outing.

Appointment fix and once the surgery date confirm, I am in for it.

I have many things to share about but just could not churn it out for now. Too many things happen in these two weeks of time. Will share it in the next entry.

All I can say is, our parent aged as we grow older. No matter who they are or what they have become....still they are parent. Bite your tongue...pray for them daily...morning, afternoon, night..anytime..just cast a simple pray for their well being. It is that simple.

Rassulullah SAW pernah bersabda :

” Setiap pagi sedekahkan al-Fatihah kepada kedua ibu bapamu tak kira masih hidup atau telah tiada nescaya pintu rezekimu akan terbuka buat kamu. ”

Berdasarkan Hadith Nabi SAW :

” Tidak akan terputus rezeki seseorang ANAK selagi dia tidak meninggalkan doa kepada kedua orang tua nya dalam sehari.”

Huraian hadith:

• Jangan sesekali meninggalkan doa kepada kedua ibu bapa (baik yang hidup mahupun yang sudah tiada )

• Allah akan memurahkan rezeki kepada mereka yang tidak putus2 berdoa kepada kedua ibu bapa (hidup atau mati)

• Ingatlah bahawa keredhaan ibu bapa adalah keredhaan Allah SWT

• Semasa berdoa, berdoalah dengan bersungguh sungguh tadah tangan dan Bayangkan wajah kedua orang tua kita , termasuk guru-guru kita dan mereka yang banyak menolong kita.

• Mereka yang lupa berdoa kepada kedua orang tua, akan disempitkan rezeki Oleh Allah SWT.