What linger in my mind is, what happen if I don't wake up anymore. Or maybe something goes wrong in between. We are putting our life at the stake of those professionals hand. I guess they are more worried than the patient.
We will not know exactly how deep is the water until we been into it. Watching from a far we only felt it in our heart and imagine it mentally. The true feeling is when we are in that situation. Be it good or bad ..happy or sad....victory or failure.
I guess the true inner voice of what lies in our mind and soul only God heard it. The answer won't come immediately but along the way. Putting up a brave face and heart of lion. Cast deep prayer...all well ends well. In religious manner, I have long way to go. Started small..baby step..and I do hope to be able to continue it till I can conquer and calm this stormy heart. It feels good when you do good things.
Had light chat with my work immediate Director. He is the closes father figure we have around in the office. I mean for me and few of my colleague. Share a bit of emotional moment when I seek his forgiveness if any wrong doing all these while. I will do the same with my parents, family and friends too.
Want to know who will be there truly for you ? Just observe during your hard time. Those who around, they are the one that able to move heaven and earth for you. I am blessed to have handful of them. Family is definite...its hilarious this time round...
Both my sisters are plotting to get away from their busy schedule. They can't help to feel bad as next week onwards they are on tight schedule. Well, I am alright with it. Its not like they are doing it on purpose. Things happen. My parent on the other hand gave them a hard time for their absence reason..I can't help but to grin. Such a blue eye I am ! My phone incoming call are heavier too.
Tonight got to do packing for hospital stay and also for journey home. List down all relevant contact in case something goes wrong. Must leave instruction to my dear lover too...in case if things happen out of hand...these are the things he need to do and contact.
Its raining and thunderstorm now...can't really see farther view from my office window. Heavy storm!
Life has been great for me. I am so glad to be able to walk and make it through this far. Will continue living...Insya Allah. If otherwise....I had a great live with wonderful parent, sisters and friends...I am so loved by everyone...
Be grateful of what you have instead of what you don't have. Seeking for challenge in reason to have a better life or rise above, often lead us to look into the loop of emptiness. We did not really see what has already being fulfil.
On all those unanswered question that I have, I m just keeping faith and patience. Someday I will. Often for me, it will come in a very lesson learned manner. I m doing all I can to keep that faith intact.
Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.
Carl Jung
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