Peaceful Sunday morning. Woke up early for prayers and dooze of again for a while. Can't sleep much though. Since my mind is so acting drafting what I want to write in my blog later...might as well do it now.
Sun has raised, peeping through the trees surround my parents house. It is the 3rd day my dear cousin Razaini Binti Siti Ani has left us. Still shocked over her death and I am still digesting the aftermath.
We all knew what will be the ending upon the news she is diagnose with colon cancer about 3 months ago. Sadly that news only came to our knowledge mid of Ramadhan. As I updated before, her parent rather is stage of denial. Cannot accept that their child has been diagnose with such terminal illness.
We all rushed back home to visit her by then. My last chat with her was the eve of Eid. Went with Shan just to say hi and check on her condition. Chatty and witty as normal, though her health has decline rapidly. Then after Eid I was back in KL and did not check that regular. My 2nd sister did called up to my uncle and check on her condition, I knew about her then bit by bit.
Late Thursday night of 5th September about 2200hrs, my sister called in with news that she is in comatose stage now. My parent already there at the hospital with rest of family members. Thereafter, my sleep mode already deactivated. Cannot sleep at all. I can't remember what time that I finally knock out.
Then Friday morning about 0710am while I am on my to work, my 3rd sister called in. My dear cousin has passed away at 0615am. Friday, 6th September @ 30th Syawal. Drop by at the office, took a few stuff and rush back home. We want to leave soonest possible before the funeral take place. Last respect at least. Called up to my mom...she also fighting back tears...they all came back home about 0500am that morning. Will be leaving again shortly she said.
We assemble at my 3rd sister's place, took our belonging at drive through all the way back to Kuantan. In between call up to my dad to find out on the progress. We will do out best to arrived but traffic was not that much on our side anyway. With God's will, we will arrive on time..if not...we had seen her too during her healthy stage. Not much to regret then...
Quick stop at Maran R&R and we safely arrived in Kuantan about 1200noon. Fought our way to heavy traffic as all Muslim men prepare to go for Friday prayers. My parent had to leave home by then as my nephew already throwing tantrums. My dad told us to make way straight to the graveyard at Taman Setali, Kuantan. We arrived there about 1230noon just in time. Her fragile body has been laid in. Went to met her mom ; my aunt. She was so un-consolable. My cousin known to us as Akak...my aunt keep repeating to us...Akak dah tiada. Three of us sisters stood there numb. All my other aunt and uncle presence as well. So many people there I did not have a chance to see all.
The funeral was in a rush too as people need to go for Friday prayers. The Talkin was not smooth as well. As it the reader was doing it the first time. Somehow my cousin's name was not properly mentioned and that old Talkin reader was studder. We all just kept it to our self and pray for her soul to rest in peace and grant Janatul Firdausi.
Everything went well and ended by first Azan cast of that Friday afternoon. My uncle went around to say thank you while my aunt drop herself and sat down beside the grave. My 2nd sister went to stand there too. As she stood there recite doa, I was with my other cousins and aunt consoling ourselves.
Then my 2nd sister came by and whisper to me, go and stand where I stood. Asked for forgiveness and give forgiveness. She can still hear us before everyone leave finally. I did that. Upon we said goodbye to her mom, she hold our hands and asked us to go to her house now.
Upon arrival at my cousin's house, other family members is there too. Many from my cousin brother wife 's side. We sat down for a while then everyone came back.
My aunt was so lost, denial and tried her level back to act as normal. Well she shouldn't do that in the first place....it is not easy dealing with oldies. They are not us...these oldies they are beyond reason at times. We just leave things the way they are. Upon arrival my aunt quick to clear the house and went to rinse cloth that was used during the bathe earlier. Informing us bit by bit what has transpired for the past 3 months.
My cousin came back home for about four days earlier. She was so happy beyond words. Took the longest shower ever my aunt said....
My and my sister stood there and fighting back tears as my aunt said, my cousin's lung had burst. Her internal organ failed miserably already. It was when she wanted to take a bath that Thursday evening. A wave of shock struck her and the nostril tube was fill with blood. Doctor came and check....her lung has just burst. Her last word to her parent was "wait for a moment".
Many visitor came by then including the residence Imam. He told both my aunt and uncle....it is time...redha on her departure now. That is when my aunt said to her
"Akak, mak dengan abah redha jika akak nak pergi. Mak dengan abah ampun segala dosa2 akak...mak dengan abah halal segala makan minum"
That time my aunt said can see her tears rolling. It is the first time since her diagnosis that she cast a tears. Thereafter her stage already in coma.
We hang around the house for a while. My aunt was busy with do not know what. Asked all the biscuits and cookies to be taken out to all guest. Some of the oldies there hold her back and said.....its a funeral not a celebration. Just calm down and take it easy.
She insist on us to go and have some food. Owh my...not us for sure. We just could not swallow anything. Visitor start to increase and it became a bit crowded. We then politely say to her we want to take leave now.
She hugs all of us and said do not forget her.....she has no daughter now. Don't just leave her alone. To me was rather lenghty. Make sure I take care of my health and do a regular check. Her daughter was in the same condition as I am. Fybroid and cysts.
Said goodbye to my uncle and we left. Stopped by at Old Town White coffee for a quick bite. Super hungry. We assess the situation back at my aunt house..who and whom plus what and when. In between we just sit in silence...trying to accept what has happen.
We arrived home close to 1600hrs. My parent just finish their so call lunch. Took shower and sat down with them. Exchange news and opinion. The crowd was greater at the mosque, my mom said. Dad was a bit upset as he could not be at the grave. My super hyper nephew start his tantrums....
That night was the tahlil...great crowd as well.
We will bid our goodbye today. It will take a long time for us to accept her departure for sure. This is the first young death in our family. I mean from my maternal side....this is the first ever...
After the funeral, at my aunt house I came across my cousin's best friend ; Barathi. She immediately sat in front of me and cried. Just last Sunday she brought her parent wall the way from KL to see my cousin. These two can be seen all over the place in KL. From Lake Garden to Carcosa Seri Negara..name it...adventurous and explorer. I knew Barathi from my cousin too.
Before we depart from the grave I bump into another school friend of hers...Elyna. Short Hi and I have to leave already. We continue to exchange news via her FB page later on that evening.
Yesterday afternoon my mom did call my aunt. Her relatives from Singapore just arrives. My aunt send the same reminder again....don't just leave her alone. My mom said, we won't from those days we are just as we are now. Nothing will change.
Today on the way back to KL...my mind just travel back to all those moments. Facing the departure of love ones is hard.....I guess the hardest part is the aftermath. How do we stand and move on....not many will find an immediate courage to move on...worst still to let go.This cousin of mine is a pillar. She is the strength of her parent. Between she and her mom is the love hate relationship as they both look a like.
3 months duration to take care of a patient is enduring. No child can guarantee to stay that long for a parent, but that was the duration that both my aunt & uncle stayed with their child. Parent often will...the rule of life is..no parent should bury their child. It is a turning point for them...devastated..eating them inside out for years to come.
I am speaking from the point that I have witnessed of the many....good family..good child and good parent. The other side of coins..well I have witness that too. More of Karma. When death came upon, it is a moment of one thousand one million repent. Thankfully I has taken me closer to my creator....found so many answers too.
Before I depart home, my dad call me to him and interrogate about my health. Alhamdulillah so far so good. He gave me few doa to recite after Fardhu prayers. Simple yet meaningful.
I m back to home sweet home....felt a bit better today. Yesterday was a terrible day for me. Body ache like crazy ! I can't even walk properly. To sit or to get up is a nightmare...every angel lock. Took Panadol twice and even hot shower..nothing works.
Mom said, we are in this descendant cannot simply step to the graveyard...if not headache, it will be body ache. Hurmm....we are suffer from that headache since Thursday night. Thankfully it went off soon after.
My back and legs still hurt much...just holding in patiently.
