A man can't ride your back unless it's bent ~ Martin Luther King Jr.

One of my favorite daily recites.

Working night shift again. Two more nights to go. Alhamdulillah my health is getting better. Still ban from heavy or hard work. Just get my finger busy ..giving out and pointing instruction to my beloved Shan..to do this and that. Salute him to hold patience as a Saint..after all to handle me is not easy.

Not long after my last post updates that early morning...I was then a victim of racism. Damm it hurt so so bad! Cleaned up my FB friend list. Wipe out the entire blood relations ties and those profile picture that shows 'black'. I got no time for this nonsense. It has become plain annoying to see racist, politics and provocation. Cut the crap and just move on.

The pain for racism is beyond words can tell. Trust me, the hardest point to swallow is when I am standing a ground where I am surrounded by multi racial people around. Yes, there was exchange or words, opinions and commencements but it is business as usual over at my end here. We don't bring this matter into our daily routine...or maybe we are too busy to even notice it.

That day I went home wounded to the very core. Not only the remarks...the insult was unbearable even. God I hate it !..it did not stop there though. Upon I gave a piece of my mind, further insult came claiming it was not regret after all whatever that has transpired.

I was asked to change my name, religion and even label a traitor to my own race. My own race ? which makes me wonder...which one? as I have few blood of different race inside my vein...

At the end I chose to remain silent. I m not going to make two fools into an argument. It is pointless.

It took me hours after the first encounter to respond. Not because of I am afraid of them. It is just I am still finding the right word to shot back. Right words and sentence sharp enough yet smart enough not to bring further damage. Still I am so considerate and careful in fighting back.

War of words is easy to exchange but often does not serve the purpose. I am glad that I sat back and took time to respond. It is not the victory nor failure that counts. It is all about the level of respect at least in humanity manner.

Why this happen, simply because failure to respect of one to another. Maybe all these while I am living in denial that acceptance is always there. While the truth is, I never did fit in. I should had left it the way it is.
I shall only blend in but should not fit in.

It is funny how these type of people look so high up to the sky until they forget how green is

What happen that day was like a wake up call. It is time for me to move on and bring along myself with it. I forgive them with all my heart and may Allah forgive me as well.

Wound will heal...scar will remain and fade away. How am I going to face them again in the near future, I have no idea yet. Either we just ignore even upon rubbing shoulders or just pretend it never happened.

Whatever things that you want to do or say...always think twice. People say think too much and nothing will happen. Well, it is better than no thinking at all and casualty happen.

We all came from different level and background. Never ever under estimate or judge a person without know his/her history of life. As I said before, our collectible sins are merely because of words and speeches.

Even if we speak it in our heart it is enough to call it a sin. I am no angel, far from perfect anyway. At the end of the day, God knows probably how many bags or kilos of sins that I have made. Those that done with intention already one chapter, those un intentionally...hell break lose.

Follow your heart too much will kill you....follow your feeling too much will destroy you. We are give a set of mind to think, analyze and make wise decision. It may not be the best decision ever but the least we pause, think and then only make a move. Not blindly...

I am bless and always thankful for all that has happen to me for the pass 3 years. It has been tremendous change. My wishes fall into places....many more to achieve. Insya Allah ..may it will be mine. Even if it does not, I am still blessed and thankful for others that already in my hand.

Loneliness does hit me at times, apart from losing people along the way there are those that I remove myself from them. I did not do it because of hatred..it is just our path differ.

To those who read this piece of blog, if you cannot find or link me in FB...I m sorry. I would like to fly below the radar for now.

Stay in bed and lick my own wound....then I am up and running...life goes on.

"If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward."  ~ Martin Luther King Jr

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends ~ Martin Luther King, Jr

..........let see....

Been a while since my last updates. Got back to KL...got back into the routine. Took me a while to gain the momentum again. Thankfully all went smoothly.

Felt a bit alien upon setting my foot inside the house. I can't do much housework until further notice. Internal wound won't heal that fast. Just did some light clean up. Have to wash entire wardrobe due to damp scent. As if I was gone for a year. Hang new set of curtains for living room and also the master room.

GE came and go. It was the most anticipated GE since, result speak the volumes. Some of the political party are as good as wipe out. I do hope things will improve in a greater manner. The aftermath of this GE came along poke fire of racial issue. We are sinking into social crisis.

It hurt so much to see all these rumors spreading. It just don't make sense...was it fun to speak or spread bad things about others ? Or was it fun to see people start killing each other ? Are we blind enough not to learn from what is happening in some other part of the world ?

This type of people should be send to Rwanda or maybe Bosnia. I think Rwanda better...reading through history of Rwanda Genocide is enough to give a chill on my spine. It is ethnic cleansing of the Tutsis by the Hutus. Millions of death in 100 days.

Burned alive, slaughter..name it. 1500 Tutsis was slaughter at one go at a church area. One of the worst Genocide in history after the Nazi death camp in WW II.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rwandan_Genocide

To create such negativity is easy, bad things will fall into places without any hard work. The cleaning up part however will take a long process. Wound heals yes but scar remain, though it will fade in time but it will still exist.

Almost 40 years into age, I manage to encounter veterans that walk through the Japanese occupation in Malaya. Even then, their sentiment still solid. They are not impress on anything got to do with Japan. Why such  ? Because it hurt so much to witness their love ones beheaded publicly.

Back in my hometown, there are several Cambodian people who made living in this country ever since 2nd Prime Minister - Tun Abdul Razak. They fled Kampuchea that time due to Pol Pot Regime...that is another horror Genocide. To these clan their Pol Pot Sentiment still burning till today. One of them told my dad, though Pol Pot is dead....I still would like to chop his bones into pieces.

Although those who are in power now is nothing fantastic, I believe it is much better than those who try to regain power in the name of revenge. It is time for them to really make the difference...open all those dogs eyes big big...we are not stupid to be fooled again if no changes made.

Get rid of your other half for a start then clean up from top to bottom. Don't just keep implementing and layout agendas. We don't want too many plans that does not benefit in the long run.

Remember...the baby boomer citizen are hitting their 60s, 70s and 80s....nowadays nobody made into 90s. You still hold the reign because of these hardcore baby boomers. They hold the dignity of our four fathers...five years down the road...many of them will call upon already.

You will leave with younger generations. We did not go through the hardship of war, occupation nor the great depression era. We did not even fight for Independence...things comes a lot easier for us...

Handle us the way we suppose to be handle. The era of 50s, 60s, 70s is gone...

We are grateful...but if we have to starve and calculate every penny of our earnings...you will soon be toppled.

Too long in the reign also had blinded the current power holder. As an average earning citizen, I am upset on how we have to remain on tight budget..calculative and struggle to meet ends need. While these top knot spend lavish and they can afford to have anything in the world that money can buy.

Indeed I do feel like a cornered rabbit...if only there is a greater and caliber leader, this current reign will long gone collapse. Sadly there are none.

For now...those cornered rabbits decided to go under umbrella that they believe able to make a different. Its not so much of trust issue but choice. As a frustrated citizen what choice do we have...

To make the matter worst, in between we want our voices to be heard there are people who make benefit the most out of it. Rumors spreading..racist issue and start the wildfire among these fragile citizen.

Currently, why can't they see through...this so call person who eagerly wants to be in power is so evil to the core. Revenge and self satisfactory flashing through his eyes. Riding in the name of people....he will for sure abandon and tear all those supporters apart. He has his own agenda.....


Watching through the campaigning process it just make me sick. In the name of politics, money and power ...humanity and dignity has a price. People can really go so low selling their dignities.

There are of course riding on the tickets of religion. This type is hilarious....speak the volumes of the nastiest words ever exist in dictionary, condemn all out ..even the ancestors are not spared. Insulted from the grave !After all these bad remarks... pray, Quran recite and doa.

I m not religion champion but I am not stupid enough to fall for it. Empty vases make more noise. There are many TK (Tok Guru) in existence. These religion figure they have one thing in common....they speak less. Silence is very much golden to them.

Because the less you speak ...the less sin you make. Our daily sin collection majority came from speak or speech...words.

I just wish no history repeat by itself....read the book before, what is happening today is very much repeating in the making...