Lately, seems my think box are rather drain with idea on what to update or share in this blog world. Often ideas or sharing moments knock upon but it sailed away somehow. Suddenly you felt these ideas or thoughts of yours in not important as it is.
Maybe I was too much busy squeezing my brain to have more solid input or rather more public issue so this blog of mine can look more impressive. Thus, as result whatever I felt or gotten into as personal experience was more or less irrelevant to share cause I believe that this blog should not all the time be about me,myself and I.
Honestly I m kind a frustrated with it. I am just a face in a crowd. Day to day experience is enough to make my mind ponder. Ambitious to take this piece of life sharing to a new level.
Often it is left as ambitions, as I am not doing anything seriously, to take it to the next level. How it suppose to improve when nothing much is being done.
I am ambitious to write about politic, economy, global issue or if its just a comment of things that happen in our daily newspaper (Seriously, nowadays no need to watch any horror movies, just read the tabloid. You spine get the same chill). I do love to be a good commenter. Soon enough I hope.
To reach to that level, I myself need to make a positive difference first. I do know I am not doing it enough. Though is better than nothing still it can be excellent.
My passion is still writing or rather blogging. So to speak, I will still continue to input whatever it is that crossed my path, my life and those surrounding me. If I were to wait for more solid and public readable input, down the road I will need a broom and brush to clean this web from cob web...and dust. While my heart ache to write or let go what is inside my heart.
There.....I feel so relief ! I guess it is very much true, don't leave in the expectation of others. When you do, your heart just ache. Well mine is. Or I shall put it this way....
When we have ambitions and plan to do something for life improvement. Friends and love ones will support the plan with few input of improvise of course. The come along the expectations. You have plan...and..well where is it ? then came along excuses..well..hmmm..its in progress....then...blink blink nothing happen.
If it takes another several years before this blog become something, let it be. In the mean time, I will enjoy every bit of time I have before my mind fails me.
Changes is good, changes is bad...depend on how we see it. Either way, at one point everyone change. To paddle this boat of living or life there is not guide book on how to do it. Its yourself, people around you and some religious believe on the existence of HIM up there that makes what a person is. Most important is the believe that you have in you. Continue to walk on the path that you believe in. Of course if the whole world is against it, then better stop and have a good look on .
Just yesterday a chat friend of mine told me (twice) that he is lonely and bored which I give him a piece of my mind resulting he block me from his contact. Maybe I was too hard. All I said was, life is short..appreciate what you have rather than what you do not have. Complaining about boredom or loneliness won't bring you anywhere. It would melt some bimbo's heart and the news is am not one of it. I don't waste my time thinking how sad my life is cause I have nothing to be un-grateful about.
Just a few days ago, a close buddy of mine ; their relationship is parting away. Insecurity kills, not stable mental state also kills and too much suspicious also kills. There is no right or wrong in both of them, its the failure of both who fail to stay connected. If one person gives in all the time in hoping the other half will change to realize how great his love is...its just a waste of time. He or She is not ready to trust you, why bother. Leave each other peacefully. Hurt! yes but no one will die for sure. It is not Devdas stage even...far from it.
Just a weeks ago my ex college mate which is a sister to me wrote a message to her late father. This one is one hell of a cyber cry. Which later made me indulge into is so much since there was a storm in my family lately. To me parent is always parents. They can be pain in a butt at times. We spend all our youth trying to move away from them cause we want to paddle our own life. Then as we aged, we spend our matured life tyring to value them cause they were at the end of their life journey. Come what may when it comes to parents it just very complex issue though. Not like there is a spare parts sold out there as replacement.
Just a few weeks ago, I came across an angry taxi driver who frustrated with the government. Failure to get aid in terms of loans and government housing application. He felt cornered and victimize. Government is not doing good enough to protect our people. Standard of living on the rise, foreigners invasion and yet we all are still struggling to meet ends need. I heard all of these in great despair. Nothing much I can do except to feel sorry for him. I am also an end user like him. I don't born on silver spoon either. This was one of the longest ride home though its only 15 minutes from office to my house. Cab meter shows the same cost but I do honestly felt its very long ride. I don't feel sorry for myself of course. I makes me realize my life is much much better. May god has mercy on his soul and ease his path.
Just two weeks ago, new person came as a leader to replace our departed leader. Not a cool start I would say. I feel so frustrated as first impression already blown away. Imagine when you are in a sanctuary then all of sudden tornado came and hit. Suddenly you realize that you are not in Kansas anymore. The different is Dorothy has a pair of ruby slippers while I don't. Thus, put our head high and walk through this changes. If first impression is a burn mark then, better be careful so it will not burn twice. My friend said to me, don't abandon the ship cause of termite invasion, get a pest control. Show them who is in charge.
There is a saying. Two types of people....one will walk into a room and say 'Here I am' while another one will say "Ahh...there you are".
I am not ready to say goodbye to the previous leader yet. Its nice to see him around in my own world.
If I am happy for him why does there is a 'lost' feeling inside of me. The whole situation ain't the same anymore. Losing him is a bitter thing for all of us in the team. One unsubscribe feeling...its like someone just died....thats how close I dare to say.
Let go....let it go...things change and people grow..still am not ready to say goodbye yet....he is still around with us here. Not one day my heart did not ponder ....how I wish he is here...anytime we laugh our lung out...each of us will have the same wish....dammm it hurt !
Oh well...never take side on anyone, just stand on what is rightfully is. Bite when your tail are step on or if anyone kick your head. Bottom line fight when is it necessary.
Give everyone a fair chance on benefit of doubt. People come and go in a company. People grow and scout for greener pasture all the time. Who has left let it be that way. We remain in each other's good book. In this cyber world is not hard to keep in touch. We 'talk' more on Facebook, we text message more than reality of the virtual ability of speaking to each other.
In my work line, we are talking average 90% of the whole 13 hours of shift. Silent is a golden....while duck tape is silver, trust me. After hours you really need one...that duck tape I mean.
People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within. ~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
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