1.49am....just another normal busy day. One hour earlier Weng called me up if I can take over the night shift tomorrow for one night ; our dear colleague has family urgency that she need to take emergency leave. Erma will take over my day shift. This evening when my night shift colleague walked in with sad expression, I knew something is not right. When she informed that her dear uncle is in ICU now due to heart failure....i can't stop my mind from flashing an image of my own family member.
Lately, that has been my regular vision which I often brushed it off as do not want to get carried away emotionally. My mind tend to travel back in time...my childhood...uncle, aunties, grandparents and cousins...those were the glory days when skinned knees are fast to heal.....even in my dreams I will always find myself in my grandmother's kitchen..over looking her shoulder while she cook then quick to steal home made ice cream from the fridge and ran out to play in the hot sun again....with her voice trailed away. She made those ice cream for selling, small country business. Nothing compares on how sweet it is....
I grew up with strict and discipline surroundings...my father will skin us alive if we are at wrong. So thus my cousins..we all fear of our father. Reason is simple, they are brought up such away by my grandfather. At times it does not even need for them to raise their voice...just one stare enough to make us silent as a mouse. Resulting we all grew up with pride and dignity. I am proud to say that I am no nonsense person...
I miss my childhood very much. Live goes on though...as we all grew up, our dear parents are getting old. I've watched how my father grieve losing his father then his mother. Back then I often wonder, how does he feel not be able to see them anymore.
My dad was not around when his father passed away, I vividly remember the last I saw my grandpa was at the hospital...too little to understand...all I remember that my mother took us there to visit him. He was about to make himself a cup of tea when we arrived. I was busy jumping around when my mother pull us to say goodbye to him and my mother was crying then which I don't understand why.I was at school when my dad came to fetch me and said grandpa passed away honey.
Years passed, we all grew up. Along the way there are so many family dispute. So bad it wounded all of us till today and tear up this small family apart.
The last funeral I visited in my family was my last uncle 15 years ago. Since then not even once that I came back for any of my uncles and my dear auntie. The pain was too much to bear. People say just put aside and come back for last respect. I will say...rather pay a respect when they are around, just because death came knocking will make any different.
At 1am today, my sister called and inform that my uncle passed away....father's brother. It is sad that we can't comeback for it...my father leave to our decisions ...we may come if we want to...I decided...am not going to come back ......come what may,...I will return for sure....its for my parent...not for anyone else.
Now this paternal family of mine left only my dear loving father. Believe it or not....my paternal generation ends here. My father has five siblings....four boys and one girl. There of these boys are married including my father ...they all have baby girls. My auntie is not married...till her dying day. Since all of us cousins are girls....my father's generation ends here.
As bitter as it may.....I will cross that path of losing my own parents too. Growing day by day I learned to understand the many things that I do not understand before as a child.
Day by day I learned to regret the many things that I did when I was young at heart....we spent our youth being away from parent...chasing dreams. When aged came by...we would trade our life even just to have our parent to be with us as long as they can.
For my uncle...Al Fatihah..may Allah bless your soul and put you among HIS blessed. You are a good man....things would have been better for you. Your path are meant to be.....
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