To give up one's dream it is not hard for anyone...

Scanned this memories while I am at my parents. I really feel like yesterday....too bitter too admit that only one left among this siblings.

Thirty years has gone in a blink, broken into pieces of puzzles. We do not understand many things along the way....until we stand at the same age when this picture was taken. I wonder what actually happen all these while, where and when because its like I just woke up to realize that its gone....just gone..

In a chat with my father yesterday he said....his generation only last slight after 60 years old...that's the most.

He felt that his time is getting closer too....I just kept quiet and swallow bitter gulp. I find very difficult to breathe and can't bear to even digest these painful truth.

No one can prepare for it, I admit at times I do rehearse it....people say practice make perfect and one will get use to it....but why the tears still come. The answer is simple....nobody insane enough to be able to imagine losing good parents.

Nonetheless, I pull myself together and continue to live my life while cherish and honoring my father and my mother. We should not stop living just because of certainty. Who knows maybe along the way I will be me instead. Life and death is not in our hands...

I had crazy idea to just pack up and leave  home with my parent for a while. My dear boss is supportive and also seek my sanity to think about it carefully before making decision. I m on 10 days leave and nothing is more therapeutic to go back into parent's sanctuary.

My plan is working to far until I came to realize that these sanctuary is no more my home. Its just another place for me to stop by and find peace. To live here is not a good idea. Nothing much change here....while I am a changed person. I am the one who step out and carve my own destiny.

This sanctuary is no more than a place of good memory...just like my childhood. Parent will always be parent....they nurse and build us for our own life ahead. Their place is between heaven and hell. Its so balance that sometimes we agree and sometimes we disagree. Either way ...family always come around no matter what. 

Thus, I come into conclusion that its not wise to makeshift my parent's place as my temporary gateway...I have my own heaven and hell...to live back into their I don't think I can make it. When my parent shape us up,we don't fought them back because of our age then.

But now at this age, definitely we tend to answer and hurt them in so many ways because we believe that we had the right to voice out. In their eyes we are still their little child....words are like weapon, it wound beyond heal at times. 

HIM up there always answer my prayers and my doubt in HIS own way. In directly HE is telling me that, HE will do what is best and that please make do whatever you have instead of yearning for what you do not have.

Don't look too much into the future because we will sure forget how to live and appreciate our current beautiful life. 

That day will come for me to grieve of losing my parents....until then I will for sure count my blessing and let go of what that has passed. My childhood memories will remain as such....my youth was young and foolish so that I am aged wisely now.....

To all my aunties, uncle, grandma and grandpa....rest is peace. HE had make right decision to take you guys.  Some of your departure are very much regrettable until today...leave us wishing how I wish on so so many things.... none of us can get over it till today to be honest. Your departure leaves us behind with million lesson to learned from it.

I will continue my journey and carve my future differently so none of my generation to come will walked whatever regrettable path that I once walked.

Moving forward I will live to the fullest again. Take a peek into my past a reminder and look into my future for better living.....most important whatever happen to this life of mine, it meant to be that way. I will strive and exhale for sure....

You don't choose your family.  They are God's gift to you, as you are to them.  ~Desmond Tutu

Having a place to go - is a home.  Having someone to love - is a family.  Having both - is a blessing.  ~Donna Hedges