This entry is dedicated to a person who emailed me directly today after twenty years apart. This entry is for her...the one that is always on my mind all these while....not one day that I ever forget about her because she was the one who are very close to me...my partner in crime as I can put it.
The past is a gateway to many un-open doors they say, it is true.
I just could not imagine the day would come this soon. In my entry yesterday..with the family pictures I felt 30 years has just gone no where...and now twenty years apart from this partner in crime since like forever.
I miss her a lot personally...she is funny, considerate and very down to earth person in away. Five fingers are not the same..I guess both of us are the different one in the family.
So, in reply to her...here goes....
Wa'alaikumsalam Idah, I am well thank you. Aged but well.....
Thank you very much for reading my blog, didn't aspect anyone to read this piece actually. I wrote what is inside my heart, that's all.
I m not sure where to begin either....though agree to bitterly admit that it is very sad to watch what has happen. I miss our good old days more than anyone every imagine. Skinned knees are fast to heal, just one handy plast away...
Run to the playground using back way because our father and uncle were sitting at Tok's veranda, we sure will be skinned alive if they catch us going there. While we are lost playing on the swing, suddenly Ayah Ngah came with long rotan, pull your elder sister's ear by one side and we all ran home like we want to pee in hour pants..... that's the price of being disobedient.
But that was very fast forgotten, we are into some other mischief for sure.
Just because I was not there during my uncles and aunt called upon by ALLAH, does not mean I did not grieve. I was feeling the same pain when your father was call upon. I did not stop crying for days....its very painful that I can't do many things that I wish I can....May Allah bless his soul and put him among HIS beloved...Al Fatihah.
The next to come was the same pain for me too. It make me cry everytime that I remember all these....
Only Quran ritual and prayers comfort my soul in hoping to do the same for them. Not that I turn into one pious woman...hell no. Age just bring you back closer to religion in away.
It make us realize that our parent time is ending especially when we hit 30s of age.
My dear, there has been too many things happen along the way these past twenty years. We unable to turn back time for sure...my prayers always for everyone to stay well and continue living on correct path so that
none of our generation suffer the same lost like we all do.
We all have our reason dear, family matter is sure one complicate issue. Its a protective instinct that we did when we believe it is a right thing to do, its just not worth it to look back and see who is at fault and who is not.
Sincerely from my heart, I am just glad to see all of you are well and Mak Ngah still very much healthy. May Allah grand her health for many years to come as her children need her as much as I need my parents too....
What has gone let it be gone. Too many heart and soul has wounded, it can't be heal in one day. I have a very soft heart, you are always the one that I miss because we did so many things together and grew up sharing the many things siblings are not fit to do. You are my partner in crime....
Yet, Allah has wills and ways of things for a reason. I don't have the answer to why HE put these into our path of life...maybe one day we will have the answer. If there are no answer I will accept it as faith and lesson learned so that none of our next generation walk this path again.
In the mean time, I would like to hear what you have to say....
By the end of this email my dear..I am still wondering if this is a good thing to do. I shall keep this to myself only as I do not want to open old wounds nor invite unwanted speculation.
take care and stay well...hope to hear from you soon...
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