It has become a terrible habit for me. Too indulge in current phase of life had really divert me away from my comfort zone. My fond of reading and enjoying silence has no more in surrounding nowadays.
Replaced with constant busy and at times 24 hours a day is just not enough. I have my time well planned til the next 15 days I know where, what or even with whom am gonna be. There is no room at all to spare, sit around and do nothing. All are correctly timed and arranged. If things does not go along with it ; I go bonkers.
Busy is good, it shows that you are moving and climbing from one level to another. There has been tremendous change in my phase of live these past 6 months. From family to work to friends. I do feel that the circle are getting too close for comfort.
When it comes to family matters, too close for comfort is not that healthy. Your noble intention to aid or to nurse aging parent often landed you in war zone. Bottom line the more you care the more sinner you get at times. Parent as they aged, it is almost impossible to level with. The best just leave it as it is. No many people willing to listen nor to understand when it comes to parent's matter. Blood ties are just too complicated ; same goes to marriage issue. Listen, digest and let go.
Work matter, I left my throne long back. Decided to take a new path. Along the way, I discover and understand many things that makes me decided to remain where I am until the next rope of opportunity swing by.
It was a piece of advise from my dear father. There is no such thing as greener grass over the other side. When you get to the other side, you will see green grass over another side. What you leave behind can be much greener if you only you give it a chance and look beyond naked eyes. Don't just see what we want to see and hear what we want to hear.
Human's heart, soul, feelings and needs are very difficult to fulfill. Never will actually. Thus, if you find your current situation is hard and unbearable, what makes you thing its gonna be OK on the other side. There are no bed of roses..the least not daily. Before you decide to go to the other side ; asked yourself if you had done it your best ? Give more than you should and always stand on the correct path ? If all these you have done and yet you feel miserable here then its worth it because you are not valued correctly by the organization that your are in now. But in the event you can't answer half of these honesty...re-evaluate yourself please. Don't do it for others, just be true and honest to yourself. If its really you need to go or its just your heart itch for changes while your mind knew its not a right thing to do.
I feel to silence and decided to keep my mouth shut, re-evaluate myself again and oh well...here I am. Same place, strive and aim to be somebody among everybody here. Its a long way to go. Obstacle pours like acid rain...I am wounded, badly burned by it of course. Then it is faster healed with right attitude. Self reminder helps.
The best thing I am doing now is, stay clam and remind myself constantly to stay in one piece. Not to let anything or anyone to get to me.
Having to deal with humans on daily basis one need to have a very strong mindset. Its not easy and I must say it takes talent to be where I am now or to be in this service industry. To stay oblige, calm and sensible at all times even at the most difficult situation. But then again, am no prophet or angel. I do fee like Dr Jackal and Mr Hyde. Sinner in away when one have to pretend ; put up a good show.
Everyone has a brain but not all have mind. Asian mentality here are far from educated. It really show what kind of upbringing they have. Its like monkey see monkey do. I did mentioned this several times ; superiors and richness attitude most exist in Asia and majority of Third World country.
My attitude develop too as I grow along this job. Like it or not, me too become attentive on surroundings plus I know my way on getting things done. Resourceful in that manner. Off the record, I am more polite to those in the servicing industry unless they start with rudeness first. Trust me, calling customer service line is not a pretty side at times...in this manner its OK to be bitchy. Am super good at that, well trained !
Friend wise, the circle are getting smaller by the minute. I have virtual connections more that in reality. We exist and connected via technology. Sit down for a coffee does not exist anymore, forget about outing for fun. Clubbing ? Out of the question....I don't even sip Starbucks that often anymore. Dining out at those place of high and fancies only when craving come knocking.
On my birthday, my smart phone did not stop beeping till midnight. I have to charged it 4 times that day..while normally its twice a day as heavy user myself. Its the fastest way to get assistance, opinion and to lashed out your heart and soul.
Those who are in my list now are good and quality ones. The least they cater to my needs. One or two seasonal ones. No matter what we still in one piece. Right time right place, we will catch up for sure.
Went to visit my god mother's family a day before. HE up there has a very funny way of showing me what life is when I start to complaint about mine, HE just show me a great example right in front of my bear eyes. There after in silence I thank HIM for all the right things that is in my life. No more complaint for now.
All are well with her. Same thing year in and year out.
Its almost getting to August 2012. Eid is just round the corner. As wonderful and meaningful Ramadhan it is, I can't enjoy it much. This diagnosis really killing. When it said ; Enjoy 5 things before 5...it does have a deep meaning that reflect our life. One of it said, Health before sickness. Here I am....diagnose and can't enjoy the sweetness of Ramadhan. Younger days foolish enough to be playful.
Long story short, I will celebrate my life, my parent's life and those who are around me as much as I can.
Friends are seasonal...they come they go. When one depart from our life, they remain as memory with us.
My life, I will continue to exhale. Am grateful that I do climb from one step to another. Family ties is like rain and shine. Sinner or not, just do my best. Above all you only live once....so do they. No point visiting their tomb when there are gone....just stay for good or for worse in their remaining years as they are with us in the living years.
