Its not actually a missing pieces only the absent of short lived fun and attention. I am glad that moved was made faster as both of us that involve in it is not a young love in the sun...reality speak great volume while fantasy is just a good teaser that comes once a while.
There was a question post if I have anyone that beat my heart now. The answer is yes. How certain I am he is the one....well the truth is I am not. But as far as I know this man that knock my heart two years ago is a rough diamond. Still need polished and heat before it can turn into proper cut. Me on the other hand carved and heat myself over the stumble and downfall over the years....
The relationship that I am having now..of the many foundation is respect, trust and tolerance. I am full of flaws and deep stubborn...nonetheless I am running on this path now and keep on moving with plans after plan how to carefully shape my future. He on the other hand..got my back and paid attention to every details in our life. I am so pampered and spoiled...spoiled big time...
I was nobody when he found me...penniless...it was him that proportional assist me to get back on my feet on both spirit and financial. His flaws is not much of a flaws in my eyes ...we do not argue ..or fight in that sense...his flaws in my eyes is caused of the unfulfilled of my needs and expectation.
Our level of tolerance is great I would say...I often make a point to sit down and have a open heart discuss on what matter and resolve the issue there and there itself...am not telepathic for sure..if you don't tell me I don't know. My choice of taking care things on my own its a choice and tolerance to avoid further misunderstanding. Of course I did informed him...am doing this because I want to ensure it is done. If you can't hold or handle much of things that I can do its ok...but do learn about it...I need a person who are able to carry a load as well. Especially you being a man....these kind of firm decision of point of view need to come from you..
His level of patience and respect to me is at times deserved a salutation. I am very handful..full of la bouche ..as much I am no nonsense person...the day I told him that I want to go deeper into knowing my religion and bow to my creator...he accept it with open heart and give me way to do as I wish.
During my stay at the old house...when I had a personal trainer to run and train me each morning...that Ramadhan I want to continue my fasting but the same time I need to exercises...not only my trainer which is a white man..respected it so much..we end up waking up as early as 4am to run...then this lover of mine came at 5am (Sat and Sun only) meet me at the mamak shop...had sahur ...he did that just to motivate me...
I feel so bless....
Nowadays every time his flaws seems to blinded my eyes...its quickly brush off with the many things he put up with me.
From this new found friend of mine.....I learn and its like a wake up call....I am more clear and firm of where my direction is with him...its time to sit down and talk about our wedding seriously.
My prayers of thank you to Allah now only can come in the form of vocal ....as I cannot bow to him. My heart ache...ache because I cannot perform solat to thank HIM...ache because of my foolish younger days ..failure to appreciate the time...what is gone is gone....I can't turn back those moments...
To my creator...this is what I have to say....
You shine my life with rainbow after a heavy storm...then you send me a man that love me to my blood. Life is great and I am climbing up well...then when I am puzzle on the direction of what is next...when I am puzzle why my life is like one straight line, no matter how much I plan it...its just not moving that fast as I expected it.....
and as my heart often wonder...for all my doubt on religion matter..how I wish I can have a man that able to answer it...a man to refer....
then you send me a man whom his path you've tested heavily at recent...a man of knowledge, a man of principle...and hmmm along the way swipe my feet off the ground...such a beautiful friend you send to me...
my direction is clear and for now I do have a good referral for my doubt....
forgive me...forgive and bless my parent...my love one..and all those whom stand around me during these two years of my up and down.
To my love....thank you for putting up with me...I am indeed very lucky to have you in my life..
To my parents...all the goodness in me came from you...the flaws are my own
To my close friend...your guidance and positiveness keep me going...
To my sister...blood is always thicker than water....
last but not least...to my dear Habibi...you are a god send to me...may Allah give both of you HIS best in all....thank you for all your guidance...
Let me be the Northern Light that dance in the sky as long as I am needed...its phenomenal...came out of nowhere...yet its the most beautiful thing ever....
*********************
Be The Man
I would fight not to ever fall too deep
Never sure that love would grow
Now at night as I lay me down to sleep
I could never let you go
And lying here with you, I still can't believe it's true
Never thought that I would ever find a love
That lasts forever
Be the man that's mine
Find the love that never goes away
Be the heart I know will be
The one that beats for me, be the man
Used to be scared if I would ever get this close
I'm not afraid to touch you now
Long before I knew, I'd be making love to you
I dreamed that maybe I would one day
Lose myself in someone, someday
Be the man that's mine
I always try to find the love that never goes away
Be the heart I know will be
The one that beats for me, be the man
Take me where I have never been
I will follow you, you'll never be alone
I will run, run to you
I never thought that I would ever find a love
That lasts forever
Be the man that's mine
I always try to find the love that never goes away
Tell me we will always be together
Make us stay in love this way forever
Be the heart I know will be
The one that beats for me
Wherever you may be
Always be with me, be the man
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