June passed and here came July ; we are almost reaching to half of it. Ramadhan is approaching in couple of days time.
One of sign that we are getting older is the feeling of excitement going through another Ramadhan year after year. Deep down inside I am very grateful that I am still alive and kicking to celebrate this upcoming holy month. Whether or not I am going to be able to fast that is another story.
Health is in general OK, fever flu ...the normal stuff. The other matter of my health has not seize. Still walked through another long period of menstrual. I am just going to wait and see. Doctors appointment is coming up soon anyway. Maybe it has to be remove entirely....that is the best solution. I am going to find some traditional remedy now....who knows maybe it works.
Kind of hectic week for me. Mom is in town since last Sunday. It is nice and fun to have her around. My devilish nephew tag along of course. My brother skip school for a week. He cried his lung wanted to follow my mom to my house...what else to do. By right he suppose to be in school.
I was on night shift until Wednesday, pick her up from my 3rd sister's house and she spend the remaining days until Saturday morning. Thereafter I send her to my another sister's house in Setiawangsa. Dad came on Saturday as well. He had some family function in Temerloh earlier that morning.
After my shift this morning I make my way to Setiawangsa before they depart home. To see my dad's face beaming with broad smile upon seeing me is just priceless. We chat a bit and he is very very concern about my health now. They will try to work something out and let me know...maybe traditional is the best way. Still I need to see my Gyne to just look deep inside to see what is the problem this time.
Mom said, if it needed to be removed entirely just do it. Me on the other hand...to be open cut again and go through it all over again...sigh !...it is not like super fun where it is holiday like. The first surgery itself leave me with one thousand one million issue...be it my hair..my strenght...my immune system..name it. Hair drops like chemo therapy patient...i am easily tired...can't breathe properly too at times...the list just goes on.
It is not that I am not thankful for every other things that I have gracefully in my life now. I am just saying and sharing what has transpired. The eyes cast upon does not weight the same as the shoulder that carries it.
What can I do at this point of time is to just go along with it and try to settle whatever arise one by one.
For now...I am missing my family already. How I wish my parent can stay with me. Come back home and there is someone at home....rather than empty house. Noted that it is not a bed of roses daily when you have others staying with you...but we just have to live with each other's prick.
My mom told me that her mom died of stomach cancer...life for them scattered around there after. She was too young to understand. One by one of her siblings were taken away by relatives to be raised. Some were badly abused too. She works as baby sitter from one family to another until she was 19 years old.
When she return from KL back hometown she realize what poverty and lack of education did to people around. From there she said, set her mind that if she has family of her own she will ensure education is priority. So none of her children will walk her path.
Each of my uncle and aunt has their own stories while staying with these relatives. Bottom line growing without a proper family is very painful. From those stories of experience I heard from them...some of this relatives are very much alive..age catch up to them.
I do wonder how do they feel when they saw again the children under their care...that they fail to care for them. I mean don't they feel ashamed...because I do. I don't think I can bring myself to look at any of my mom's siblings eye to eye after all that I have done.
My mom said, his last brother was taken by my grandmother's brother. Badly abused, no school and beat up all the time. Back then there is not such thing as telephone and all. Until one day someone told my eldest uncle...please go and take back your younger brother. Which he did.
I heard about these tale often....only lately I tend to realize deep into it. It is like patching a puzzle. Where there a storm happen in the family...you will realize why it happen. Who and who did what.
Dad on the other hand grew up in a complete set of family....a bit dysfunctional in a way but he is in a pack.
He too has his own tale.
During one of the lunch I had with both my mom and sisters ; my sister told us that she went to fix her car with my dad...while waiting for the mechanic they sat and chat. She said....if only my last uncle is still around..he can do wonders as he is a good mechanic. So many vehicle around nowadays...he can easily make a fortune. My dad could not agree more with of course tears in his eyes....hmmm she and her big mouth. Then mom add....he still cannot let go of this one...the pain remain in his heart forever...carry it to the grave.
We heard...we learned....forgive and move on. A new generation is definitely better than the previous that is a certain.
Last two weeks I went to visit Shan's mom again. Her warmness just makes me count my blessing even more. She too catched up with age...comparing with my parent..her life is much simpler and straight forward.
Still her tale of life is spine chilling too. Especially her marriage life. Lucky for her ; all her sons stand by her side all the time. Safe guard. "Whatever internal issue between me and your father ; he is still your father and all of you to respect that". Strong lady with principal.
I told my mom...if this devilish nephew of mine in the care of Shan's mom....I can guarantee that lady will go in ICU in just days.
Hands on parenting and weekend parenting makes a vast different. City folks mostly are weekends parents. Only time they spend with their children is weekends or school holidays. They don't make much a skill parent. Their baby sitter are on the other hand skillful in the name of earning a living.
I am still down with fever...not much of temperature but inner heat. Drank gallons of water still remain the same. Just go with the flow...seeing medicines just gives me that puke like gestures...I am sick and tired of medication...
Let see what my parent will come up with on this traditional remedies.
My Hari Raya leaved has been approved...starts mid of July I am on night shift all the way till I leave for hometown...
My social policy remain unchanged....mix around but careful to blend in. Just know where your stand is. Better to just watch from a far.
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