"You cannot prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair." Chinese Proverb
Four days flew like a whirlwind. Am back in KL again. Spirit up to continue my journey where I put it on pause four days ago. I was terribly homesick. Missed my parent's nest ; its like craving for cheese cake. Your taste buds won't rest until you have it. My sister followed us back, it was an easy ride ; fun and relaxing.
My nephew is already 1 year old. Handsome boy, I must say. A bit pampered and my parent just going with the flow. I knew they are tired, at that age they supposed to put their fit up and rest. Being parent, how can they turned down own child request to take care of the grandson. They are not complaining, I rather took pity in my own way. Well, life goes on. They seems to enjoy the company of this little boy in a way. My mother's favorite statement " I have lots to do but just can't do anything". I told her, don't think of what you can't do mom, think of what you are doing now. You have time to rest, rest then before things change and you get busy. Telling parents of what to do is like teaching old person a new trick. She is 60 years old; don't think it will go positively into her mind but well...I've tried.
My dad, as always ; man with a few words. He ensure the fridge are stocked up with food. My mom told me that, my dad was busy running around shopping for groceries and fresh fish and chickens when he learned that we are coming home. We chat and spend time talking about things. He was busy thereafter,
finishing his room extension project before Eid comes. All of us going to come home this Eid and there ain't enough room. I can't wait to go home again. He did raised up some concerned over family issues. I don't take sides, diplomatically put my legs where it belongs. Family life is like that, even when one person showed off unwanted talent...the rest team up to fix it. We don't replace it with another member that's for sure. Parent's advise or siblings words can be poison and antidote at the same time. That what makes us family after all.
Second night home, I cooked spaghetti and with chicken sauce. My dad said 'Can do laaah, I still prefer my rice." I just grinned, he had two plates of it am sure.
Had a long chat with my mom too. Discussed current affairs of life, from my sister's to mine to what happened around us. Mom told me her dream way of spending retirement. Though not that different but still it was not what she imagine it would be. My comment was, the least your retirement fund is good. None of you have to work till the end. At times if we think we have not lived the way we want it, but we are much much better than those people out there. I have seen with my own eyes, a person at 65 years still struggle to make ends meet. Being neglected by children. Everyday before his sleep, his prayers was...Dear God, take me to you. That's a sad life. Its all started during younger days, we failed to think that..we will grow old. During younger years, we failed to see through whats our ending is.
It is said that the best thing that a father can do is to make his children love their mother. My mom couldn't agree more. Its not that she is not grateful. She is a person who has walked a very tough life. Tougher than what I've walked. Education just enough to make her read and write. She ensure none of us go through it. She took over the financial control of house hold needs from my father and saved up till today. The strongest pillar support of my family is her. Often she said that, when there are extra cash to spend, my dad will tug her to purchase anything expensive that she desired, she refuse and rather settle for something simple. Save up every dollar and cent. To her there are other important things to save that money rather than spending on expensive branded things. We can afford it yes but why waste it. Once a while it is fine.
We normally spend our younger days trying to be away from parent. Then as our aged catched up, we grew matured (in some cases) we realize their time are getting shorter. Their life span are ending. Then we feel there are much need to spend our time with them. I can't go back to changed what has been done, but I can hell sure what I m gonna do with the remaining time that's left.
Am I prepared to walk the path without my parent? Of course not. But we just have to accept the truth, I will cross that bridge when the time comes. A friend of mine from UiTM days always reminded me again and again...enjoy the time with parent while I still have the chance. She has walked the path of losing a father. Her mom has not been well since. Things are not the same anymore. Life goes on.... yes no doubt but its like missing a piece in the whole jigsaw puzzle. Incomplete. Smile is not as sweet as it use to be and laughter is not as ticklish as it used to be...its a lesson learned, ensure that our own next generation share the feelings and understand what parenthood is. It is definitely more that just being a father and a mother.
There are so many things in my mind lately. Anger and frustration over things that had happened. People say it is easy to pint point at someone just to blame on something. The truth is...it is not. I've tried to blame a person over things that happen to me recently. I did not feel happy or relief, it felt just not right. But when I turn the blame and anger to myself....the feeling is different. It is relief and I am able to have question and answer within myself. Am angry on myself for allowing another human to bully and taking advantage of me until I am ruin and deviated from what I've worked so hard on. Then my inner self gave solutions, positive thoughts that I can build it again. I have walked that journey....I knew every corner and curves. Do it better this time. Its bitter but yet sweet. Am gonna make myself a reminder..it is not going to happen again.
On the way back to KL, I stop and visited an old friend of mine. We had nice time chatting and wished that it would be longer. So many things to catched up with. Hopefully next time, we are able to sit down and have a heart to heart talk. My mind travel and wander back in time to 15 years ago. Shan actually snapped me out of it when I almost missed the junction where we supposed to turn to. I smile to myself and thanked HIM that I am glad that good circle remain and it is not worn out in time.
Tomorrow is a brand new day. Let see what awaits for me. We make our own journey and carved our own path. We plan, we dream, we pray, we make it into reality....success or failure ...as long as we give it hell of a fight before it is called a failure...its already a satisfying moments because we did our due diligence and we leave it to HIM.
Wounds heal and leave behind scars as a reminder...a good reminder....if only we learned from it. Some people enjoy the scars like tattoo...ain't gonna happen to me sister ! naa aaaa... :)
It scares me too of not knowing whats coming tomorrow, day after and the day after...have faith and have something to believe on. There are things in this world that are worth fighting for. If I don't crossed it then I never knew about it forever. If it is good...its good....if it is not..lesson learned ..don't take that horrible path. Put Universe as your limit....soar !
"Never allow anyone to rain on your parade and thus cast a pall of gloom and defeat on the entire day. Remember that no talent, no self-denial, no brains, no character, are required to set up in the fault-finding business. Nothing external can have any power over you unless you permit it. Your time is too precious to be sacrificed in wasted days combating the menial forces of hate, jealously, and envy. Guard your fragile life carefully. Only God can shape a flower, but any foolish child can pull it to pieces."
~ Og Mandino
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