Changes....something not everyone is gifted to have or faced. We mostly love to confined in our own comfort zone. Changes is good they say...keep us going and challenged us mentally, physically and of course attitude does play a very important part. I guess too much positive thinking has landed me what I am today...L.O.S.T..
Sincerely thats how I feel nowadays. Having to spend most of my time with me..got me lost in between two level of life. I have nothing to complaint about..life is good, great job, financial is stable enough, loving lover, superb family..whole of yard to breeze my health away..but then...something is just aint' complete.
I shared this with my best friend Dev Anand, guess what he felt the same...and even my lover Shan felt the same. Had a chat with Dev yesterday...felt a bit better. Continue this morning with Shan, I guess what he said make sense.
He said, just looked back a year ago...our life is confined in a very narrow space. Problems and issue with all sort of things from financial, work, family and of course love life. We felt at times unable to breathe, its narrow, the wall are closing in..we have to use both hands and legs in great strenght to expand it so that we can breathe.
Tough time don't last tough people do...thus, we pull our strenght together..boost up that energy and positive attitude ..give that tough life hell of a fight. We strecht and strecht, pushed, wrestle the situation to make it better living space. Fair enough..the wall is expanding, we then spread the positiveness to all those around us..resulting their space are widen too...those who get in our way...buzz off.. :). Your approval isn't needed here.
There we are...wide breathing space, we turn our narrow clog drain into Atlantic Ocean,....hmmm ok...now we are here...wide open air...ok...let see...then what ? is it too wide now that we can't see the boundries anyomre?...whats wrong here ? nothing....then ? whats missing...geez I dunno but its kind of holo though...
When people say, whats life without a challenge...hell its true. Not that we are challenge free, but because we have give those problem and tough time hell of a fight..any other thing that comes now seems petty...its like naaah...I've faced bigger issue before...this is just small thing.
Are we waiting to have bigger challenge ? Deep inside our core I believe we are....I m in the state of denial cause I don't want any hassle anymore..so choose to just sit in my comfort zone and enjoy the day. But the thing is how much enjoyment can one person have ?...you spend half of your life being foolished then suddenly we wrestle the toughness and win big time....it ain't easy to sit in this champion chair...cause all the party is at the down under....do we go back to the rock bottom ? Hell No......then we glue our ass to the chair of victory...our ignorance grew....denial also grew larger than our alter ego...
We knew what to do...we knew what has to be done....its just that ass glue is too strong or I guess we re-glue it everytime is fall off so that we can sit there as long as we want.
I can't find a reason to be sad...I don't even listen to sad song, love songs...music is just another entertainment for me. No reason to feel that my heart deserve to be in pain...why should I anyway ?..
where there hell that holo come from I have no idea...
My attitude is such that, I tend to be so cocky that every other people problem is nonsense to me just because I won over my enemy....I can be very silent through out the day...when asked upon...my answer is ..I m ok...nothing is wrong ...then why you are so quiet...geez..wish I knew that....cause I have nothing to talk about.
If anyone would come up to me and said that I fight with my lover..he is such a jerk. He refused to say in words that he love me. My eyes will be rolling....so what if he does say..does he take care of you. Said that you are beautiful even with morning face out of bed ? Does he cooked for you, clean for you..ensure that you are taken care like a newborn. Did he lay finger on you..abuse you verbally..? Does he respect you, your parents and friend. Did he show you to the world proudly even when you are in your sweat...did he introduce you proudly to anyone that ..this is MY GIRL!
If the answer is yes..then you are the one who fail here..not him. You just want to hear what you want to hear...failure to value what you have and keep worrying about is not there...GET LOST !!! you bore me..big time..
If another person came to me and said this...I m lonely..life is so dull for me. I m bored. My eyebrow will rise first then...bored of what ? have you done things that you love to do ? have you walked through the toughness of life ? have you failed ? have you win ?...have you cry ..have you fall..and have the world close the door on you ? ...if the answer only one out of these list...then my friend you are not valueing life enough...you just one lazy bumm..who love to complained and wining of things that is not there yet...get out of my face...loser !
Thats how cocky I am nowadays...my head dizzy at times...too much cocky..its the truth...get me something more challenging than this love crap or lonely issue..come on !...
Maybe I should spend time with someone who days are numbered..someone who is going to leave this world soon. Wonder how does that feel....hmm...
My memory travelled back in time too muc nowadays...remembering the good old days when life is so simple.I have only a few regrets in my life...only few...thats about it.
As bitter as it is.....I really need a new challenge....I need it badly...you know what...bring it on...come on..give me something new...am ready for it...I will fight the hell out of it.....BRING IT ON....
I need a new throne...am done with this victory throne....
there..I've said it...how about you ?
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