Monday blues...but days are just getting better for me, eventhough my back is now felt like huge tortoise shell...ain't bring my spirit down.
Weekends was great, spend two days relax with my house still in the tolerable mess. I had a good time to rest. My skin are much much healthier..enough water and sleep. Even my sleep nowadays its rather peaceful... :)
Lunch was good today, 5 set of different vegies. Gobble up and now sleepy.
Went out with my bestie and sister yesterday evening, they bought me my birthday present..cute black sleeveles..i love it. Things are almost settle among them...new problem arise. She text me earlier, she need someone to cry to, sigh !...break my heart honestly. We may have our differences, dispute of things...emotion breakdowns.. at this stage, as much as i wish to make my heart to become a steel and ignore.. i just can't.
Gonna go home and see what i can do to soothes her heartache...
One week passed since I came back from my parents. Things are rather great, apart from my right leg is injured. Can't seems to remember what happen on Monday 19th July 2010. I did exactly what Reint told me to do after the walk.
Well one for sure he is a good instructor, strict one too. I am resting ever since, plus weather condition not so good either. It rains on Wednesday with lighting too..kinda dangerous to get into the pool. Thursday I was to tired, so does him..and today he got client at 7.30am. Still i went to swam alone. To keep the momentum, otherwise it will be like first day.
Mess in my house it yet to be tidy up too. Manage to arrange things properly to the right corner. I will sort that out soon. My TO DO LIST is just getting longer.
I plan to do up a party with Bollywood theme...after Hari Raya i think. Talking about Raya, i have not send my baju yet...hmmm..another headache.
My parent was here yesterday..to pick up my nephew. Call her this afternoon. All seems to be alright.
Me and my bestie remain as unchanged. I guess she also try to avoid me in away. Lost in her own world. Me and Kakak as always....the food issue, i finally gave up. Her cooking still the best...but the amount is killing...as much as i burn in the morning..its stored back with her lunch..rich and solid..tasty too..
Lately, I don't find TAGGED as fun as it used to be. Very difficult to get good quality chatter that can be friends. Though i do have couple of good ones. The worst part at times, they can't even speak English. Some of them openly confess.. English dunno. Wallawei...we are in the millennium. Its really sad to see this is happening to the new generation. My English might not be superb but I know its definitely far more than above average. Simply not because out of proud..i just refuse to converse in any other language.
For that at times its fun..because of my look..always confuse people of what race I am. One the days this week, my neighbour from other floor stop me half way just to asked WHAT AM I..malay, indian, Eurasian ?..laugh my lung out...so cute. Add on if they know my name...huge confusion, patch the puzzle.
Nowadays, since i am in a relationship..the approach is rather different...when u are single...they asked you question...WHY NO BF ? and when you have BF..WHEN IS YOUR WEDDING ?..can't stop at one ?...then after wedding WHEN WANNA HAVE BABY ?..then got one child...WHEN IS THE NEXT ONE ?...gosh ! its terrible at times.
If anyone were to asked me WEDDING ?...i just say SEALED !...ITS PERSONAL. Reason being...too me not everyone will bless good things. Inside heart curse is the worst ever. Good things if we want to do...just do it...tell only to those important..the rest just waste of time.
I am still in the office, waiting for him. Traffic on Friday can be horrendous.
For all the good things that happen, I couldn't be more bless. The rest of the un-invited pain in the ass...well..just go with the flow. Can't please everyone though..I m only human..even I always like to think that I am immortal at times...
I took 8pm coach to Kuantan on Friday. Its double deck again. I hate it cause i got the upper deck. The journey was smooth, arrive on time. The disturbance part is people on the phone. I don't know what or how to say at times. How some people are just so not courteous, in polite and no manners.
Hello, we do not need to hear what your conversation is. We do not want to know what you story is. Malaysian I can tell are far more less in this matter. I took town bus to travel from home to work everyday. Mind me telling at times I do felt to just punch their face right through. Especially those foreigners..so loud ! Irritating.
The ceremony went well, 99% turn out to come to our ceremony. The menu rather delicious. Nasi Dagang, Roti Jala with Curry, Karipap and Kuih Bakar. The funny thing is, as we set up the table in the morning I did asked my mom ; how many did you invite. She mentioned..just neighbouring corner..hmm..turn out to be about 70 person came. In my mind only picture about 20 to 30 only.
The cleaning up is always the tiring part. I washed half way and put my leg up to rest after that..tired. My 2nd sister is all the way up and running. Only at night I help to put all plates back into the house, after my cats broke a jug and a glass.
Sunday morning we went to the beach...had a quick bathe. Nice scrub.
Got back home at about 19.30pm yesterday to KL. This morning went for a walk at 6am with Reint, my legs is killing me...fell like to cry but Reint make me walk non stop home..stretch out. I think i did it wrongly at home just now. Resulting my right leg paint like hell.
Its 6pm...i m leaving for to my ayahanda and bonda today. 8pm bus..2 hours to go. Killing time to update and summarize the entire week story. Overall its just great, with of course a few disappointment here and there.
This morning I manage to hug and kiss Kakak. Gonna miss her till Sunday. Breakfast and he drop me off at the office. Saying goodbye to him rather hard today...its just keep getting better. How I wish and hope things will fall into places. It makes me feel like I am 17 years old again. He swept me off my feet all the times in his own way. Not much of sentence person but action does speak louder than words.
My bestie..hmm things aren't looking to well. Its back to square one. Felt so reluctant to speak to her. I leave things as it is,an answer would not surface so soon at times. Though usually the aftermath casualty will be long time scar. There is a saying, we create our own destiny..its true.
Slept off about 1am yesterday..i crawl to wake up today at 6am. Walked with my instructor in the pool for an hour. The pain is double but injury is less. Got 'pesanan penaja' before i left today...'eat light,even try to walk..see u Monday kiddo"...hmmm..
At this moment all i want is to sleep...hope i will have a peaceful one while on the bus later.
My housemate still not fully moved yet. This weekend full over i hope. My house is not complete ..still pieces of puzzle. I leave the kitchen as it is...too tired to touch.
I need to move one step further while this personal trainer a.k.a Reint is around. Do couple of things on my own..can't count on the 1 hour morning only. Plenty of rest, healthier food, water and fruits.
Dear dear god...I have been standing strong all these while, walked through your path of obstacles...please let all things fall into places, grant me my wish ..that's all I want and shower your blessing to all those that love me....
THIS PRIDE IS MY TREASURE..THIS PRIDE IS MY LIFE..THIS PRIDE WILL STAND STRONG AS LONG AS IT TAKES...IF ITS ME TO BE THE MATRIARCH..THEN BE IT !...AMIN !
Nellie Elianie...never did got to spell her name correctly, nonetheless having her as part of my world here in YTL Comms is rainbow like.
She is most talented, high spirit, creative and above all have a heart like a lion despite the petite figure. Don't under estimate this one I can tell you...she has done more things than I would have ever imagine. Even me has not come close to her adventure life.
Her ability to accept challenge at times beyond believe...she rode TZM...even Scrambler...amazing...minus the grooming talent..cooking talent...ect. this gurl is full of stuff i can tell..
She can be funny in her own way too..always end up saying something that trapped herself..without realizing...
Today will be her last day here, we had fun farewell and for sure gonna miss her terribly. My days to come will be one color less....its not a rainbow anymore...
To you my dear Nellie...all the best...thank you so much for everything...above all thank you for making our life here fun and lively...your laughter will always remain in our heart
we shall not remember how you depart ...we will cherish the moment while you are with us...
"May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall softly on your fields. And until we meet again, may God hold you in the hollow of his hand "
6am up ...this morning attempt to walk was a failure cause my muscle sore is too much to bear…swear on my life, I was about to cry out of the pain and give the whole thing up.
But Reint (pronounce as Ryan) said to me…DON’T YOU GIVE UP ON ME KIDDO…you are doing fine…your courage is the best thing that happen today. You got up this morning at 6am. Walk through half way ….and we are walking back home now…its an achievement !....
The pain was unbearable …I lay on my back with my two legs up the wall…stretched…pulling to ease the pain. I did it all by myself and its my determination I AM NOT GONNA GIVE UP. We gonna walk in the swimming pool tomorrow.
He told me…he start back the gym yesterday..do a little kick boxing and he sleep better after so many months. He said its not what he did that matters today but knowing you have someone with you that have a heart of a lion..courage and willingness to do this all the way.
HARJIT: so whats the latest with u la babe other then missing me...
ME : banyak lar u.. : )my life is always adventure dearie...trust me..u get ear bleed nanti...things that happen in mylife since 6am this morning..is already one full page to write.
HARJIT: F irst i must feed my cat...thats either garfield or catwomen.... u choose 1 hehehehhe...we go makan then pi buat wayang....eh eh sori i mean tgk wayang....adventure life ah...thats cool i like that....like doin mischivies thing ah u ni hmmmmm noty noty cat lol lol
ME : i stick to garfield then....lol lol..amboi..buat wayang haaaa....hehhee... yup...very the adventure. My office mate said ..all my friend at times..crack in the head...hehehe
HARJIT : thank god?garfield......at least i can say ...garfield sit...u noty gundu cat...garfielddddd where is my keychain...oh no dont tell me u munching nowwww garfieldddddd...
if catwomen means if i want to something only u were like ..syisshhhh....the whip does the talkingggg hehehehe
no la we stick to tgk wayang ni ok.....lol lol lol..you ni gila ah....my dog....oh sori i mean god?
Then my new tenant moved in. Goodness heaven ! He has mountain of things. Better of for me to rent my house and I will rent a room from him. Still unable to sort out everything but I manage to clear and put all the furniture in places.
Late evening, hungry and I crawl to the pool cafe. Had big fat roti canai, then I bump into a friend, mat salleh from New Zealand. All along I thought his name is Jim..but its actually Reint (Ryan..that's how its pronounce. I knew him like 2 years ago..big huge 6ft 2 personal trainer. 6 packs with firm bicep..triceps...
Then..again I met him a year later, swear to God..he got boobs. Things aren't working well, global economy crisis and he sort of fall into it too. One thing about being fit and toned up..to maintain it ...almost disaster if you do not have the discipline. Its the same thing happen to me, from flat no tummy to like..6 months preggers now...just laze and demotivated.
As we chat along, I told him,.i always wanted to have a morning walk...1 hour at least. He straight away said. Make you a deal...keep me company on my routine...and I will shape you up..i was like WOW !..deal. So tomorrow i gonna get my ass up at 6.30am and start to walk with him from my house to Sentul Park there.
He tought me about diet that i should take also...isk isk !..bubbyee rice..bubyee curry...bubbye tom yam...see you once a week. I m gonna be rabbit like soon... all the Asians food..downsize.
Had a wonderful weekends with my love ones. From lover to friends and family. Things are great, please keep it the way it is ..with positive forward of course.
He is as great as ever..spend good quality time together. One step higher. May all my wishes come true..My sister drop by to passed on few pieces of blouses for me.
There after..the whole Sunday was a total relax.
I was having conversation with my bestie last night. Been a while since I had a good chat with her. She still loving and great as always..but I am rather upset..knowing that she patch back with him again. I couldn't hide my unhappiness.
This time I can't pretend that I will be there for her should things go wrong again with them. This time I am very very firm. Anything got to do with that man, I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW. If she get slapped, kick or punch or whatever it is...I just don't care.
Where I am now, in away all thanks to her. Its her word of advise that kept me alive and rise above. Her words of comfort that makes me think how worthy I am, her words of wisdom makes me love myself more than anything in the world. She was the one who said to me..those who loves you won't make you cry.
And yet, she failed big time. After all the said and done..i just cannot believe that she still run into his arm. One man that is good for nothing. The worst part is, if she is upset..she will pick on her sister. That pour soul of her sister, stand stall to be her punching bag. I almost cried last night listening to how she torture her poor sister with words.
Since the entire world know, that man is good for nothing. She is now trying to persue everyone to make space for him. I do not need to know what I already know. Thank you very much...please step aside. I can hell be there for her on anything but not this one.
She is very forgiving soul..unlike her sister, hardcore, heart of stone. If happen my bestie read this blog of mine...I m sure she will forgive me too. If she can forgive someone who slapped her till her teeth broken...treat her so bad...drain money from her..I am sure she will forgive me for bitching about her in my blog.
I am standing firm on what I am saying today because I have done all the talking...advise and a shoulder to cry on. I have done all that....I am not saying anything wrong..the above is fact..all fact about what's happening.
If your hopes scatter like the dust across your track I'll be the moon that shines on your path The sun may blind our eyes, I'll pray the skies above For snow to fall on the Sahara If that's the only place where you can leave your doubts I'll hold you up and be your way out And if we burn away, I'll pray the skies above for snow to fall on the Sahara
Just a wish and I will cover your shoulders With veils of silk and gold When the shadows come and darken your heart Leaving you with regrets so cold Lost out in the desert
Its was a wonderful !..things are getting better between us. I am praying hard that it will go as smooth, as long, as lovingly as possible.
He did mentioned how worried he is when I did not pick up the phone yesterday morning. Yeah..my condition is not 100% ok yet.
Spend the whole day running errant..did small shopping. Grooming in progress. I will have full busy day tommorow for sure. Tuesday gonna be half day as my tenant is moving in. New rules at my place here. Security very tight. Plus those security guard are from Nepal..well known for rule follower. NO means NO...wanna over rite ? speak to my boss...hmm...which is good too. Me so far no problem with them.
My sister Anne came to drop things that i asked for plus she gave me couple of blouses...bought during her pregnancy. Pretty and sweet..spend entire evening to alter the sleeves..wanna make some of the sleeveles.. : )
Kinda bored now...hmmmm and miss my lover too... : )
09th July 2010 Am still in the office, waiting for him to pick me up. Terrible traffic today..he set course from Shah Alam at 6.15 pm and have not reach my office yet. Not knowing what happen, its just crawling.
At times its not so much of any tragedy scene..there are times it totally Un-explainable...its just jammed !..no accident no scene ..nothing..! its really annoying at times.
I m clueless since afternoon today on what to put as my blog title today. We so much so, this morning someone shed my tears...crying lioness today. It was a concern email from a friend..which I find offensive and kinda disturb with it...Or is it me being over sensitive today. He meant well yes..its just what he said really hit me hard and I just got upset. All that he said make sense...I can't explain why that I behave such a way...end up my tears just rolled.
Then days run smooth...called up my Sister Anne...will drop by at her house today. The best thing is this ; she totally forget about all the things that she want to bring back to me. Sigh !..what to do..to many things in hand.
This morning, i woke up at 7.30am..my lover gave 9 missed call till he is late for work today. I dooze off at about 23.30pm yesterday..then its a total knock out..can't even remember anything..total complete shut down. My handphone landed at my feet, which make me unable to hear when my lover phone me.
I m not complaining but he was so damm worried. Hearing his tone, I got fear. Then all are ok.
Gonna have dinner then chill out....oh he is here. Chow !
Me : i would love to get that suit up ..as catwomen..but hmmm..i will look really big chubby cat and no more fierce..nanti u tengok i berselera lah pulak..heheheee hahaahah lol lol lol... :)
Harjit : if u get into the suit u wont be a catwomen....u will be cat garfield....lol lol lol....well at least my selera for garfield will be like...garfield eat ur food...u fattyyyyyyyy hhaahahahahah...
Me : eeei..jahat nya...garfield comel apa...hehehehe
Harjit : what jahat la?very vast diffrent between catwomen and garfield ok...
so u better see which 1 u want to suit with
Me : of course i want be catwomen..hehee...but cute like garfield
Harjit : no no no not for u...no way...catwomen in garfield suit....oh my god...help me pls.....why la wanna spoilt the taste feel like a melon la wei...lol lol
Me : M.E.R.A.J.U.K MODE ACTIVATED
Harjit : alamak danger alert la this one...charlie to alfa,charlie to alfa,we are having a merajuk mode which have been activated.....any solution bravo........ got u alfa...this merajuk kes just need a tickle....and she will be ok with it ok roger charlie........lol lol lol
Its getting twice longer each night to update this blog...too many things to tell. Apart from what title to put tonight...its so many things. I love this life its exciting..adventurous..full of surprises.
I spend the entire evening at my bestie...it has been a while since we hang out. My No. 1 fan Baasha a.k.a Tito is there too. He has things that he need my assistant with email and stuff but upon seeing me..its all gone..i just laugh. So cute of him...even my lover can't say a word on him. My biggest fan...
The Anonymous comment just get crappy, so i leave as it is. Lots of thing coming my way and my wish list kinda stagnant due to illness.
What I want to say tonight is...we may have our differences..thoughts and opinions. In the world of friendship..what matters is the bond. It does not have to be 24/7 hang out together..but there is sort like a bond that build in each of my friends to me...no matter what happen it will still bring this beautiful circle together...
Its like the family ties...unbreakable...those who don't fit into this circle will get excite quickly..not by me or my friends..but it will excite by itself..cause it just don't fit in.
Me and my bestie Janu for example..we fought..we yelled..we cry ..we laugh..we distance for a short period ..she drive me to the wall at times. And i made her cry..she made me cry...but when we are together back..what happen in the passed does not matter anymore...this bond goes around to all those in my Guardian Angel list.
These are people that spice up my life vice versa...for that..i am blessed and may god bless their soul too...I wish i can list all of you individually...you know who you are...THANK YOU for all that what you are....amen !
Its Tuesday now. I m still in that Zone of illness. Can't seems to climb out of it. I just taking time to recover. Slow and steady.
Its gonna be a busy week for me. Got new tenant and tons of things to do. My list keep getting longer and longer. I probably need to put that as WISH LIST volume 2. Only 40% my WISH LIST volume 1 achieved. Gotta complete that by December 2010. Volume 2..hmm..middle of 2011.
One of the WISH LIST I have is this Blog. Its just keep getting better. Ms Egoism ..Ms Self Proclaimed ..Ms Perfect or whatever it is...it still me myself and I. I was giggling to my BF earlier about this ANONYMOUS comment on me.
Then it sort of got personal. Made me think ..am I such ?..he just said, reason out carefully and think carefully. One person negativism and behaviour will not damage who know you...leave it he said.
Well, my lover did tell me to let it go. No point talking to poker face. This person will not surface. Hmm...above all i did had a good time i must say. It was upsetting at first but then...naaahhh..i don't give a damn..too bad.
As I said, if this person dare..come out and lets RUMBLE IN THE BRONX.
To my family, friends and lover...thanks. You guys are MY TRULY WORLD. Those who got REJECTED...grow up !...or ROT...life is fair..i m not immortal..but so close that its scares me....
p/s : should the above pissed anyone out there..I DON'T CARE! cause its ANONYMOUS !
Good time..great time or rather wonderful time. Things are just fall into places. Spend friday evening at the Club for dinner, chat with Kakak then off home. Went to see Janu...had good time again, Brazil excite ody..then followed by Argentina... GO GERMANY ! Yeah !..:)
Went clubbing to Chaks with him..got back at 2.30am. Got up again at 11.00am..brunch then dooze off from 1400hrs till 17.30hrs...dinner, surfing for while till about 10pm. Off to have teh tarik with my friend..Janu also join in later.
Overall its a good weekend. Next is to get my house organize, new tenant coming in middle of the month..need to fix lots of things. My house is getting better..its my own now.
That's what I m called today. This come from series of anonymous comment on one of my Blog Post - Godspeed. Makes me a very sad lioness today.
I have no slight idea who this person is, but obviously I have done something that upset him...and I upset him BIG TIME, that force him to go in hiding and give such comment under ANONYMOUS. One thing for sure, this person are not my close friend..or those who really know me, walk my path. If he/she have walked with me on my journey..these comment won't exist.
...well u "preach but don't practice" ......u have full of ego all over your body ......you are ruining your life under your attitude. .......ask not what i have done for you but ask what u have done for me. .......you will fail one day soon with your own selfishness attitude. .......don blow your own trumpet. ...I'm not hiding but you made me to hide....ask yourself how Ms. egotism
Everyone has their ups and down of life...its not a bed of roses all the time. So does my life...till today I m still trying to fit in. I failed so many times, so many times. Still I have to get up and go.
What I am today is totally a different person comparing to who am I 2 years ago. I do hold such a rebellious character but it is not as much as what I am now. My rebellious now is all about me protecting and shielding myself.
All because, over the years I m tired of being used, lied and get into broken despair with the reason I failed to love myself first. Always others come into my life first. Not even my family come this close either. I m chasing something that is not there...at the end its a huge failure, humiliation..wounded so many soul.
I took one year to find my own soul, who I am really. What I do wanted for this life. The most that i got in this one year was...I LOVE MYSELF..i finally got the lesson in me. I do really LOVE MYSELF, hence the shield is build...defensive.
When we are high in the sky, everyone is with us..but once we are down below..only me myself and I..that's all.
I rise from a lamb into a lioness, taken from the wild but she still have the wilderness in her.
I don't owe this ANONYMOUS anything, even if I did also...he may come forward and claimed it from me, reason out with me. What I want to say here is, walk in my shoes first before passing remarks.
For my follower here and on email...those who know me for 10 years more...he/she would know better who am I.
I was only 13 years old when this song air. Those day on Radio Muzik, every night from 9pm they had Pilihan Bersama. This one of the often request songs.
