“Don't waste your time with explanations: people only hear what they want to hear.” ― Paulo Coelho

Night shift again. Did had kind of good rest. My courtesy broadband is out of capacity. Had to wait till 1st to be loaded up. It is free of charge anyway so I can't complaint much. I wished it to be upgraded but Mr Shan said....no..it is given by DiGi for staff and you are using it at no cost. In directly he is saying...just use it and zipped up darling!....

Till now I am still not done with updating cases. None stop since 1930hrs. Not so much on the cases but rather incident that cause my to broke down into tears today. The victory of it, I manage to bring an earthquake to this huge luxury plus prestige car brand here in Malaysia.

Escalation of one person's attitude in that organization will climb as high as it can get. I guest they also had enough of it.

Dealing with bad attitude person was never easy. We are based in a call center and provide assistance in delicate, professional and up to date manners. On site assistance is very important as well. If both party can't work hand in hand, nor look eye to eye...the end use which is owner's of these prestige car suffer the lost.

It is not their problem if they are not synchronization internally on how to coordinate assistance rendered. I can't be telling these end user our internal problem.

Our encounter with this person are numerous. Too many times until it is very hard for us to speak anything good about him. It sort overwrite and covered up all that he has done to assist. Refusal, llanguage and voice tone of him enough to put all of us at great deal of stress.

We voiced it out many times but escalation are at very minimal stage. The most our Manager said, just ignore him...he is like that. Don't let him get to you.Well, easier said that done. I am trying not to get it personal but when the other party made it personal...hell break loose of course !

Our tolerance level was up today. End up in war of words...I literally hang up the call. No point to speak to a person who is not helping at all. Out of anger and agitation, called up to my Manager just to advised him the situation.

Thereafter,  follow up call to provider I am already sobbing. Listening to my voice, our dear provider handed over my call to her husband. He just said, it is high time for us to do something about it. He assisted to escalate appropriately and call up to my manager as well. They also felt the pinch. It is very difficult from their end as well. 

I recall how my ears bleed listening to frustration let go from our provider ...again about the same person. Today it is our turn.  

The rest is history....long story short I end up emailing chronological of case for escalation. Due to this, our off duty technical advisor showed up at the office as well. My dear day shift did not leave till about 2200hrs.

Phone calls flew everywhere from top to toe of an organization.

Just because you grew with the company does not mean existing management has to tolerate what is going on. The day has come either you buck up or pack up !....

At the end of sending that email to my management, it is very much regret ...inner regret that I should not have lost it. Arguing with fools ..only make two of it. Always put myself in other's shoe..trying to understand their situation. It is after all people's rice bowl and end earning. Sadly..if repeatedly we are treated like a dirt...it is high time to fight back.

Man! What a night !.....morning approaches and I have two more nights to go. Just ease my path dear God!..thats is all I am asking. I am working very hard to meet ends need. Next few weeks also it is not going to be a holiday ride for me.

Just got key to my new house yesterday. Went to hardware shop today to pick up few things for the house. The neighbourhood is a real quiet. Puzzle me as well apart from all unit there has no safety grill/gate. I mean..is it that safe ?...My unit on ground floor some more...hmmm....no compromise. I am demanding for a safety grill/gate from the owner.

I am still unable to get date to go for house cleaning and prayers as well. One sister in Singapore, holidaying ..the other one in hospital...her son admitted at Gleneagles. Our trip to that hospital is record breaking this year...

Latest news, landslide at Bukit Setiawangsa. My sister's house is one of it located in the row. She might have to moved out temporarily, as for now they are on holiday. Let see how it goes.....

And then....finalizing the shifting date, cost for movers, things to buy, endless packing and last but not least my surgery dates. May all fall into places...Amin !...

“Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior. Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.”


― Mahatma Gandhi

Oublier cet orage éphémère....

Second night shift....journey of long battle until 5th January 2012. I am already half dead....did not sleep a blink two nights before.

That illegal car wash outside our condo compound is a real trouble maker. They are so spirit up no matter what festival it is. Fire works just boom out the entire night till early hours...so so inconsiderate. I ended up sleeping in ER makeshift room...it was the old store room...too sleepy and disturbed.

That is why for my new house I carefully choose the neighbourhood. Two years...long enough to suffer the different class of mentality surrounding. As it is said, you can take people from the bronze but you cannot take the bronze from the people....what lies ahead of this new place, I do not know but the least I am faced towards those upper side of the scale.

Tried so hard to sleep as cover up for night shift. Failed big time. Few phone calls ..just made it even more better. A close friend just landed from Phuket, asked if it is worth it to buy perfume from duty free. As for now, we got it directly from US..its far cheaper even with delivery cost. Not worth it...I bought that Elizabeth Arden Green tea for less than RM80..

I was reading an entry from a friends blog. He asked to give a name of one person ; the one that truly can standby your side should the table of life turn unexpectedly. What flashed to my mind was, my parent....since they are still around, but thereafter...honestly I do not know..can't find anyone that can fit in to that description and category. Maybe there are none for me though.

The current surrounding I have maybe they can but rather not put expectations. If it does not happen...the world shall fall apart. Expectation often leads to disappointment. I do pray that my faith shall not go into that loop. If it does....accept it when open heart. It is written that way....

As I remember, I have only two best friends since. BFF as they put it. Both are parted away due to inconsolable differences. One was during college days and one more during working period. That college friend just exist in FB page. Spoken to her once after 10 years...nothing has change on her, attitude wise. I on the other hand already a different person. I want it that way..remain in each other good book.

The other one however, I am still finding peace with myself to forgive her....can't bring myself up to it till today...two years has passed. I am still in that grey zone..just don't come to my sight.

All I know that, during your hardship...that bitterness of it only we are alone to taste. By this time you will know who will remain at your side. From that path I've walked before....None ! its not their fault ...it is mine to served as I did not choose quality over quantity.

Who and who is in our life can very much determine who we are. Which level of life we are at. For now, I am always loved and surrounded by nice people. All are very dear to my heart...ccarefully choose who I want to mix around with. Close friends are only handful. That one also, have to walk through different path and thorny roads. We settle our differences in many ways possible. There are always a cooling period, like kiss and make up. Just a matter of time....

Spoke to my mom today morning. Just shared with her my stormy heart about a little obstacle that I faced in this shifting house. By late afternoon it is all cleared. That is how powerful parent's prayers and blessings are. Finally all fall into places and I am excited !

Today also that irresponsible ex-housemate of mind contacted Shan for the fate of his stuff. He asked a timeline till end of this month as if it is few weeks more to it....Chest pain !...its like few days down the road will be month end already..Hello !...I told him, need all the information like nowwwwwwww....2nd January 2013 will be the moving day...I have no time to wait for you. After a week message sent as reminder...only today you responded. Can afford to bargain some more. It is a very valuable lesson for me..sincerely...very very valuable.  After this through fire, storm or blizzard..be it flooded...No more housemate !

If I were a boy.....

Casablanca.....

I fell in love with you watching CasablancaBack row of the drive-in show in the flickering lightPopcorn and cokes beneath the starsBecame champagne and caviarMaking love on a long hot summer's night
I thought you fell in love with me watching CasablancaHolding hands 'neath the paddle fans in Rick's candle lit cafeHiding in the shadows from the spiesMoroccan moonlight in your eyesMaking magic at the movies in my old Chevrolet
Oh, a kiss is still a kiss in CasablancaBut a kiss is not a kiss without your sighPlease come back to me in CasablancaI love you more and more each day as time goes by
I guess, there are many broken hearts in CasablancaYou know I've never really been there, so I don't knowI guess our love story will never be seenOn the big wide silver screenBut it hurt just as bad, when I had to watch you go
Oh, a kiss is still a kiss in CasablancaBut a kiss is not a kiss without your sighPlease come back to me in CasablancaI love you more and more each day as time goes by

Temple of The Kings....

I miss this guy so much....he is my very own personal trainer once. Well, we did assist each other in getting fit and healthy. He is a good trainer. I was physically fit, muscled up.

Towering at 6 ft 4 inches height, he is one huge 'mat salleh'.  Woke up at 4am...Yup ! 4.00 in the morning daily for a routine run....be it rain or shine. We start off from our Condo, to PWTC, round up Chow Kit, then Pekeliling station and home...solid 1 hour 30 minutes..daily.

Of course there are days that either one of us abandoned the other...sleeply and tiredness...I miss the fun...

I wish I can do it again....maybe our path crossed again my dear Reint ... pretty sure it will...

Ruby Red..part II

Several more days to year end...roads are empty and traffic eased in a way. I am on tight schedule until my official leave on 5th January 2013. Working back to back..night shift all the way...wink ! wink ! wink !

Amin ! Thankfully all matters fall into places and my path is eased. I am so loved and blessed...Amin ! Amin ! Ya Rabbal A'lamin !

Office Christmas party went very well. Food served was rather different and everyone enjoyed the get together session. Us on the operation floor was served. There after am so hungry. Delicate, fine finger food ain't gonna do it though. I need my curry and stuff....one of my colleague make his way to restaurant cross the road to fill up his tummy. The worst was, he refuse even to touch it...hmm at times we just have to try different level of experience...be adventure a bit. I am not a big fan of these delicacy as well but it is worth a try.

It has been years since my last taste on foie grass. Felt so sinful eating that stuff as it is still concern of every animal rights in the world. None the less, it was a merrier hour...we did not win the competition just celebrating the get together. It is after all end of the whole year of battle and endurance..

Some may walk through great achievement, some carved another path while some walk on a new learning curve. Where am I ? Cant really tell for sure... definitely some achievement, carved a new path and I am also walking into a new learning road. Lost few friends along the way....we parted on differences...better that way I guess. Gained new friends as well...

Down with fever, sore throat and flu. Pick up this "package" from my niece upon visiting her at Gleneagles Hospital that day. My trip to that hospital has become a routine sort this year. Well my turn next year...

Last year around this time, my parent was down here for vacation. This year they are not coming, busy with their own business matters. My nephew is in town...spent holiday with his parent till next week.

House is pretty packed up I would say. Cleared the kitchen. I am a good Donner this time round. Half of the house items going the be donated away. From clothing to sofa set to kitchen appliances, including my ancient so old skool giantic stereo system...gosh ! Time to disposed !

Half this morning spent to clear up all the wardrobe and pack away clothes. Emptied shoe rack and sealed all those that has been pack earlier. After lunch I got throbbing temple, god knows what is the reason...spent rest of afternoon doozing off...

Your success and happiness lies in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties.

Helen Keller

Ruby Red...

Back in time....

Ты такая красивая.......

Ты все еще любишь меня так, как я люблю тебя......

In this California king bed
We're ten thousand miles apart
I've been California wishing on these stars
For your heart for me
My California king

You cannot tailor make the situations in life, but you can tailor make the attitudes to fit those situations before they arise

One of my passion is reading apart from painting. Due to time and busyness these two activities some what become dust collector. Thus, to kill time especially during my night shift ; I end up indulge in online reading.

I read about everything and anything. Including films, animals, shows..name it. CNN is always on top of the list. Not so much on political or conflict issues around the globe but rather their travellers column and also inspiring stories. Believe me when I say, there are lots and losts of heart wrenching stories happen around and even of the many at our own backyard. Wikipedia is always the best source of information. I improve my general knowledge from it.

Link : http://edition.cnn.com/2012/12/06/world/freedom-project-operation-hope/index.html

Link : http://edition.cnn.com/2012/11/10/world/asia/pakistan-malala-one-month/index.html?iref=allsearch

Link : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mukhtaran_Bibi

Link : http://www.rdasia.com/my_unexpected_teacher

Browsed through every other stories that my mind pop an idea to. Apart from Wikipedia, I do read Reader's Digest as well. Online version. Or just simply go to Chicken Soup of the soul.

I am very much of animal lovers. My favorites are feline. It is a good stress relief. Would love to have one at home but my current job scope will only left the cat lonely. Don't wish to add on un necessary burden. I love dogs too...in fact any animal with certain degree of intelligent always fascinates me.

Never will forget a story about Faith - A born disable dog ...and Winter - A Dolphin that has no tail. Plus our own local story about a cat name Hero who his front legs was chop off by a restaurant owner because he stole a fish...sadist ! These animal went far back and far beyond in the name of survival.

Faith for example, her owner went around from hospital, cancer center, army veteran to children home as motivator. To gives those who wish to have a second chance or those who wants to give up on lifes a good measure to ponder.

Back home before I left for college, we stop to have cats for a while as house pets. One season, all of my seven felines died from illness. All that was so so dear to all of us. To date my mom only probably have one for house pet and the rest just came by for food. Its better to do charity in this manner.

Impact of ill or dying pets are as heavy as the departure of love ones...It is also said that those who has compassion with animals hold a greater soul of sanity and mercy.

Several days ago, my thoughts wander about a killer whale name Keiko. He is after all the famous star of Free Willy. Watch over his life journey on Youtube left me in teary eyes. He lives a wonderful life in away. Died shortly after being free into the wild of pnenoumia.

Then the stories continue....I watched over a show from SeaWorld call "Believe". It is amazing how those trainers put their lives at jeorpardy with these Killer Whales at Shamu Stadium. They are top predators...anything and everything can really go wrong. Acrobatic shows with live killer whales in a tank of 36 feet deep...almost suicidal like.

Tilikum

Fair enough....in 2010 one of the trainer was drowned and killed by her own trained Bull Orca name Tilikum. Largest in captivity....measured at 22.5 feet long with his pectoral fin at 7 feet long...weight at 12,000 ton.....massive ! Born in 1981 and captured in Iceland in 1983.

Tilikum has history of killing two others before, while in Canada before SeaWorld bought him over. Even with that death series, they are not giving in as well. Expert around the world says..SeaWorld is the best in its ranking at handling Orcas.



Tilikum with the veteran trainer 40 years Dawn that he killed in Feb 2010



36 feet under




Tilikum




Tilikum in Medical Pool after the incident and the dead trainer



Tilikum at SeaWorld

   Shared the story with my sister...ended she was hooked up with these Killer Whales stories for the past couple of days.... its is just amazing !...she pop up an idea...lets go to SeaWorld, San Diego..instead of your 'Northern Light'....which is far more expensive than this SeaWorld tour...hmmmm...an idea to consider ...

SeaWorld here we come...whatever it is ..lets make it down south to Universal Studio first next year..



One of the most beautiful moment captured. This curious Southern Whale swim up to the divers up close on the ocean floor



Pull the plank out of your own eye before you try and take the twig out of mine....

Pull the plank out of your own eye before you try and take the twig out of mine

A taste of my own medicine.

Yesterday's entry was so much into snobbish and un-gratefulness of human behaviour....and today...My creator decided to give me a taste of my own medicine. See how far I can stretch and handle it. I am known to be very temperamental and my choice of word is not a pretty side in definite.

Woke up after my afternoon slumber..craving for Kenny Rogers. Been a while since, plus I  need to get a Christmas gift for the exchange gift session next week. All set, decided to fill in my tummy first before quick shopping. I would say it is a bit house full because there are event at PWTC today. Seated and ordered. 20 minutes passed our main course did not appear.

I just remain calm and told Shan, 10 more minutes and we are out of here before I verbally abused all the staff here. Call for the bill and I told the manager, our meal did not arrived...I have NO TIME to wait anymore...Your staff here need serious attitude education of being attentive and not chatting around without checking after customer's need. He indeed apologize for that.

I felt so heart ache, angry and Owh My !!...aching to just shout about!.... but just recite some prayers to calm it down. Its just not worth it..we walk away, I told Shan to grab something on the way home after drop me off at the office. I will find my way. He also just keep silent, avoid any further agitation. He knew me very well. He has his own as well but seldom. I am more vocal than him.

Then, on the way to work ..traffic for whatever reason it is...kind of stand still...arrgghhhh...I just remain silent and calm. Took several deep breath...its just one of those things. It is just silly to throw tantrums and follow how my heart felt. Oh boy ! What an evening. Pack light meal from Old Town..with coffee...my stress buster !

Hmmm..when things does not go along your way...it is easy to anger those around. If earlier I verbally abuse all those staff on the floor...it is not a victory that I get anyway. I could have made my point...lashed out to them..but then what ? It just proof what kind of mentality, heart and soul that I have. When you argue with a fool...it will only make two of it. Instead of the lashed, I politely told the manager about it. A bit event not much, he as a superior must have felt it.

After all it is just a genuine fault not like those staff intention it anyway. Small earnings with long working hours...these young folks the least they are at work and not wandering around become public trash.

Of the many temper tantrums of mine in the past....still of that many that I regret until today.I am so not good in controlling my words. If annoyance invade..that's it...heads on fire.  Words, once said you cannot take it back.

Tonight I am on night shift. Just a night before next day shift on Tuesday. Two days off....bee line things to do. Lately my sleep interrupted by wierd dreams. I hate to dooze of till late afternoon but what can I do...I am on night shift.

I will force myself to wake up right after Asar prayer's calling. Never did also I have habit to dooze of after that unless by accident. Let alone between 5pm to 7pm...no way. I force to stay awake till after Isyak then only sleep. Maybe my house is not in tidy condition. boxes and things are every where. Too wierd of those dreams really annoy me to some stage.

My Habibi said, there is nothing much can be done. Sleep during day time are prone to those kind of situation. More likely the house environment is not at tidy and comfortable.  If all are OK, I might be able to start my prayers routine again. Clean up a bit tomorrow and start of with some Quran reading. Hope things gets better and my sleep are peaceful again. Amin !

Creativity....Snobbish and Blue Blood....

The only disability in life is a bad attitude ~ Scott Hamilton 

Relax and unwind....listening to one of my favorite tune......its very meaningful....

Weekly round up....today is Saturday 15th December 2012...days passed full of excitement, tears and laughter. Went to office today to help out with the Christmas decoration competition among department. The beautiful moment of working with MNC (Multi National Company) is that we got chance to celebrate every other festival under one roof. Be it Eid, Deepavali or Chinese New Year...celebration of unity always warmed us and keep the bonding strong.

Had lots and lots of fun...our snowman made up very nicely. Upon stuffing all the shredded paper into a black rubbish bag...I gave an idea to make Black snowman instead...if anyone were to pop a question "Why the snowman is Black" .....accused him/her of being racist... The floor roared with laughter. There after I was busy with the doll house...squeeze out all the rusty creativity...it has been a long long time since I am into this decoration creatively....nonetheless...it was a fun day.

I was on two shift day time. Hell break lose again. Huge complaint ..again from same person. My brain dried up to find suitable word to describe this snobbish human. It is very true rich people are the poorest people.

They may have dollar and cent to afford anything or everything under the sun...but they are so so poor in humanity. Their soul are very empty...merciless...no sanity towards others at all.

All they care about ...they must get what they paid for. I was hands on handling this un-grateful human case for two solid days....worn out completely. Even my manager already up to the wall.

My heart can't help to wonder...why there are such a human around this world. Just because your limousine service is not up to expectation....you file in a complaint as if those involve should all be fired. Hello !....there is so much into life than dollar and cent. It is not like you can stuff your coffin with all those wealth...

In between the time these two days.....my mind wandered into the reality of who and who. Noticed that...those who walked into war zone like Gaza...walked along those poverty alley of Darfur...or those who walked into refugee camp in Syria, Afghan, Jordan.....even those who hugs kids with HIVs in Africa..are very much middle class person like you and I....not any Tan Sri, Dato Seri or Datuk...

We are the person who dare to make a different. My earning of living by all mean is not a wealth definitely...but I still contribute to the needy. Be it zakat or just charity....my heart felt so rich by doing that...because it is my responsibility to help those in needs.

Holding responsibility to take care of parent well being is good enough to make your heart rich...and to keep it humble. Let alone when you say thank you to God of all His givens. Being grateful and always seek for the bless of life....

Sadly...wealthy people couldn't care less. I bet the way they see this beautiful world is not the same as seeing it through my eyes....of course not all behave such but majority are.

Nothing much can be done about this one particular un-grateful human...it is part of our scope of services. No matter how hard we tried...it will still be hell break lose. My recite of prayers is simple....ease my path, bless my day and my work...I am earning a decent living...and cast away those who are meant to hurt me in whatever manner it is.

As I said before... I am not impress if you speak a great volume of your wealth. Condemn and complaining on things that is not up to expectation just because you can afford it. Its a pity to see that you are actually a very very poor person.....remember what goes around comes around. It is just a matter of time before you will get back the taste of your own medicine...nowadays it is all 'cash on delivery'. I will live to see the day you get that....I have faith in my religion, my creator and my doa...just wait and see....

My job scope is interesting. It is something extra ordinary..especially when  you make someones day. Skill yet require certain talent. Compliment is our cup of tea...our main course is dealing with all sort of human level....I do believe when you give a Stradivarius to a Gorilla..it does not serve the purpose...exclusivity comes a long way.

I still can't bring on to forgive all those that hurt me at the end of the day...its a good practice they say...heal you stormy heart. At the moment I am very bias is forgiving...selective...

My life still beautiful and wonderful......I know my soul still very much alive and I can still humbly bow to my creator. I am grateful that still with this average life...I am so so loved. I am very very much loved by those who are around me...be it my parent, siblings...lover...friends. When you have the correct mindset and attitude...the rest will fall into places...

At times we worry much as in who has hurt us...but we don't really pay attention who have we hurt today.

Late evening, received a call from the usual Head Hunter. Here we go again.....just go with the flow...we just don't know what is coming.....

Can't wait for my next year long leave.....called my mom a day before. Found some very very interesting story about her descendant.....Pahang Royalty is searching for her descendant again in hoping to bring her great paternal remain to the Royal Tomb. By now I know why in a way we carry certain character and attitude....our descendant tells it all..

I remember when I was small, if I am too naughty or do not behave, my late maternal grandfather always say...can you not behave like a peasant. My Quran reading I did it with him...Owh well...what is there in a Blue Blood...its just a small genetic as only my mom holds it. What makes us today is because of our wonderful parent. From where I came from..we distance ourselves as far as possible from dealing with Royalty matters. Some may proud to be able to be in Royal family but not us.

If snobbish rich people is hard to deal with...try the Royalty....it just get better.

Talking to the moon....

It's far more important to know what person the disease has than what disease the person has ~ Hippocrates

Last night shift...extremely exhausted. My diagnosis has taken me as far as my left ovary swollen a bit. No choice but to hang in till the time comes. All due to shifting. Can't afford to do hard work after surgery.  

Manage to view a property. Nice and huge....beautiful low rise condo in central location. Fell in love with in the minute I step in. Lush green surrounding that makes is even more cooling. Nice owner as well. I have no demand over this property except put curtain railing and fix those unwanted wall light wires that scattered around.

All set, just made down payment today. Cost a bomb for sure...lucky it is manageable.   Tiles fixing in my current house master room completed today. Dusty surrounding and it is in mega mess. I am so lost in between all those furniture. Patience and I will do things one at a time.  

Late morning, went to my host residence to pickup my stuff. Been there for a week now and it is time to say goodbye. I m gonna miss my morning chat with mommy, her act of kindness in pampering me. Tried to give her some token of appreciation ; got refused in a great deal of manner then I gave in and seek her blessing instead. Which she agreed.  

Went  home and dooze off till its time to go to work again. Busy night and now its a bit ceased. Weeks to come will be full of packing session. Got to call my irresponsible ex house mate to pick up his stuff. I've asked Shan to contact him this time as he dry me up several time already upon me asking him to collect his stuff. Failing which this time, it will for sure end up at the rubbish dump. I m so done talking to him about this matter. If I am going to do this again it will turn very ugly.....  

New house I am requesting for two years of tenancy agreement. Who knows along the way I can buy it over then, it will be a bonus.  

Few friends suggested for me to rent out a room since the unit is huge. Forget it ! No more Mr Nice Guy! The last I did that, being cheated high and dry by a irresponsible person. He really got guts I must say...lucky that gut is not thick enough to come and argue with me....still have shamefulness sort.  

I have not broke the news to my parent yet. They must feel at comfort upon visiting as well...it is very important for me.   It seems so packed.

I am racing against the sun and times are running around me.....today its already 09th of December 2012. Looking at the new work schedule enough to make me collapse. I am so working on 31st December 2012....there goes my New Year Eve..  

I am so ambitious to actually put a write up of what 2012 has bring for me...achievement, failure..lesson and all...my brain just dried up. It won't come when we are squeezing it ...but see how it goes...several days to comes.. who know it will just flows....

What 2013 will bring me..I have no idea...will just carved my path and walk this journey...for good and for worst I have faith ...

In the mean time..I am Talking to the moon....






   

"Talking To The Moon"


I know you're somewhere out there
Somewhere far away
I want you back
I want you back

My neighbors think
I'm crazy
But they don't understand
You're all I had
You're all I had

[Chorus:]
At night when the stars
Light up my room
I sit by myself
Talking to the Moon.
Trying to get to You
In hopes you're on
The other side
Talking to me too.
Or Am I a fool
Who sits alone
Talking to the moon?

I'm feeling like
I'm famous
The talk of the town
They say
I've gone mad
Yeah
I've gone mad

But they don't know
What I know
Cause when the sun goes down
Someone's talking back
They're talking back

[Chorus:]
At night when the stars
Light up my room
I sit by myself
Talking to the moon.
Trying to get to You
In hopes you're on
The other side
Talking to me too.
Or am I a fool
Who sits alone
Talking to the moon?

Do you ever hear me calling
'Cause every night
I'm talking to the moon
Still trying to get to you
In hopes you're on
The other side
Talking to me too
Or am I a fool
Who sits alone
Talking to the moon?


I know you're somewhere out there
Somewhere far away

A ruffled mind makes a restless pillow ~ Charlotte Bronte

Night shift again. Down with fever...kind of severe. Due to infection I guess. But, no sign of ab norm symptoms on my gum wounds. Flesh grown actively and no pain either. Can't tell for sure.

 

Or chilled night at my host's residence. Constant rain these few days, the room where I sleep is facing a garden. It is very very cold at night. I never had wrapped up myself in thick comforter except in air-conditioned room. Maybe this is the reason of my fever fluish this time. Me and feverish is not something new anyway. I shall get better by tomorrow..that's for sure.

Spending time at my friend's really kept his mom going. Yesterday, woke up late morning at about 0930am. Mommy show up in front of my sleeping room....stormed her heart out on an issue between her and the baby's parent (one that she baby sit). It took me half and hour later before I can clean up myself. Told his son about it ..that your mom pinned me for 30 minutes close......with head on fire !...we just laughed. Poor mommy. She said lucky I am around that she can talked to...if not her blood pressure sure shoot up !

People's attitude are very hard to determine. Far from being considerate at times. To get a good sitter like her in this millennium is a gift. Sadly....not appreciated. Looking at these two kids longing for attention...really sad things to watch. I am only hearing one side of a story...therefore I won't judge. I told mommy...its your blessing to have this kids around as they are blessed to be under your wing...they are sent to you for a reason. Just tolerate if you can...if unable just let them go...they are too dear to your heart already...and you also misses them much if they are not around..

Rest of the day was rather calm....didn't have my afternoon nap at all...just keep her company...one tale after another. I thought my family issue is Dallas like...theirs are mixture of Dallas, Falcon Crest, Knots Landing...name it..all the Soap Opera...

I told my mom today afternoon before taking a nap for night shift energy booster....no matter how this family if full of feud among them...there are still under one root. The bond are very strong....though parent did not look eye to eye...their children still respect the elders in great manner. Look back at my own root...I said to my mom...its just left a twig...not even a branch. Either paternal or maternal side...its gone...I have cousins..nieces and nephews...whom some I have not met for 20 years...even some their existence are not known to us. My mom could not agree more. I guess that is how it goes...maybe not in this generation...blood after all is always thicker than water. Maybe someday....

Early morning tomorrow I have a meet up with potential owner of a new Condo Unit. It is a place where I always dream of staying. Good location as well and kinda good price offered....so let see how it goes.

I am very restless these few days. Heart and soul stirred and I can't seems to reason out why yet. Set a deep prayers each time after my routine 5 times a day. May I have the answer soon. One of things that I can narrow down is, I am starting to drag myself to work. Can't seems to bring any positiveness out of it anymore..rest are just the same un-solved issue yet.

Noticed lately seems that I have many to 'complaint' about. Not a complaint of being un-grateful human...about life and all...its just a certain degree of things that happen around ..contribute to the current restless in my stormy heart.

Upon arrival today and taken a peep into what I am up to tonight...my head already on fire. Sick and tired of dealing with a colleague with attitude. Lazy and half pass six kind of build. Tight schedule, less rest day...we need all the support to get things going. Everyone is paddling this ship so hard..sweat and tears...but one person just ridding on other's hard work...just don't justify.

Day shift can be very tiring....the volume of calls are not the same comparing to night shift. I do of course understood that...if less cases in hand but still pushed simple silly things over night...that is too much ! Still I don't mind taking over it...just felt silly and useless. Am I bias ? NO...I give great deal of leniency to the newbies...in the manner of educational and teaching. Can't push too hard either...they ran away..we are then back to super tight schedule again.

We are expanding in a great manner. More programme to come and more hire to come. Two weeks back  had a chat from HR...they need to know what sort of hire needed across so they can retain them. Feedback given, finger crossed and pray it will work out smoothly. I am happy on this expansion...as I have no issue to handle my job scope.

Normally issue arises is due to tiredness, lack of staff and half pass six attitude. We are not just any other call center, it takes certain degree of mindset to jump into this field. High level skill and constant knowledge power upgrade is needed. I dare to say, we are among those few that are very highly paid in the market.

Reason why I am fed-up with Head Hunter's organization because their client cannot afford to cater to what my requirement. They want skill full staff but peanut salary..who want to work. I rather stay in this lion's dent than jump over to another devil's dent with less pay....

We don't just pick up calls for one product...average 9 different product on  hand...from various companies....not one case to handle daily basis..volume can shoot up to 30 to 40 at times...minus the multi tasking...in 5 minutes we can do few things a time. Problem solver, creative, pro-active..name it..whatever skill that a customer service need. Owh...add on...lend our ears to abusive caller as well.

Imagine if you are the only one on the floor. Tough !....Nervous breakdown ? All the time...cried ? its already a river...

How do we overcome all these, the answer is....correct mindset. Know what you are involve with ...always..always find that positive level no matter what. Talked it out, let go of your frustration...among us we are very good at it.

At times I wrote on a piece of paper ~ "it is nothing personal, just part of the job"

Which is true. Our daily motto is to close case as much as possible and ease the burden of the next shift... ( these applies to certain human in the team only as there are lazy bump a.k.a sloth around). We really really can't afford to have excess baggage on board.

Tolerance ? Having to handle human at various level from mindset to language to attitude...I do believe among us, tolerance level is highly great. If not...long gone that lazy sloth!

Why I am still here ? New desired pasture has not swing by....I have faith it will come ...just continue my prayers to HIM up there and work hard towards it. Open to win win situation and opportunity. While waiting for it or while testing the water of that new pasture...my mindset on this job will not changed. Will still do my best no matter what.

Every now and then...my head will be on fire. Just call up Joanna to ceased it..she will just water it down (Wink ! Wink!..thanks baby for always be there for me...)

It is 0300hrs in the morning. ....yawwwn ! Several months down the road.....I will read this entry as one of those days when my mind just jammed and I needed a break. There shall be lots of dos and don't that I wished I did not put up such an entry...but hey ! ..its my blog anyway...

Above all, my life is blessed and prayed for in a way. I remain in few mother's good book...apart from my own mother of course. Friend's mother I mean...they always have their blessing for me... for that I am so grateful...!

“You have peace," the old woman said, "when you make it with yourself.” ― Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven

Relax and unwind on this rainy Tuesday. Its peaceful here at my friend's place. I am a princess overnight. Pampered to the max. Home cook food, loving family, cosy weather....ease a bit the flame of my homesick.

My tooth problem settled. Went yesterday itself to the dentist. The dentist asked me if my tooth size are gigantic as most Indian blood does...I said.. me normal size only. Reason he asked this is, I remember my father took two days ..solid two day for the doctor to extract..long root.

Thereafter he said, will try to extract normal way..failing with we have to surgery...Oh My!. After the numbness kicked in..he twist left, right..left..and tup!..its done..all pain ceased !..Hooray ! Happily he said..ok take the antibiotic then pain killer if needed..rest..eat soft food.

My face was numb until 4 hours later..can't even feel my ears. Let alone to eat....Mommy made porridge for me then. Struggle to eat too.

I had a deep sleep today...woke up at around 2pm. His mom fried fish for me to have lunch...sit down and had a good long chat as well...

Me and this family came a long way. Through the rainbow ride and bumpy ride..I've seen it all. Hosting me over this time, ease her loneliness in away. One story after another....I open my ears and eyes big big...though sleepy...I listened to her...

It was a simple conversation about life..her life...shared certain things that can't be share with the children. She has two wonderful devoted children. What shape them up today is due to the rough passed. She stood by their side, walked through the pain and agony of wreckage marriage. In the name of shaping up her children to have a better life. So none of them could walk through what she has walk through before.

She is a woman of principle as well. To keep her days busy, she take cares of two child. One is seven and the other is one year old. Not only just sitter, she literally took over parent's job in shaping these two as well. Kids will always be kids but they are well mannered. Apologize in a great deal of manner if they did wrong. For one year old girl to apologize cause she accidentally pee on the floor..that does not come overnight though...

At times hearing tales from the oldies just makes you count your blessing even more. My parent also walked through the same hardship. Only thing my dad is not abusive...growing from baby boomer's parent is not the same as current generation's parenting. Current parenting need skill and constant upgrade to follow suit children's character. Its like engineered kind of generation.

We all have our own tale....its not happily ever after kind of story. I guess it is better that way because, calm sea won't make a skillful sailor.

Most important, our acceptance of our own self. Family tragedy leaves two choices. One, it will make you a better person ...away from what you have seen. Two, you will behave exactly as what you have seen.
Lucky for this family, both children become a better person.

Late night, spend time talking to a person whom are very very dear to me as well...stormy heart...love and family matters. Being young at that age, our heart speaks greater volume than mind.

She can't seem to understand why her love matter is not in good acceptance by her family. I said, it is because...your path is long way to go..while he is already half way of it.

He holds a carrier already..while you are just in the making. You have yet to see how blue is the sky and how green is the grass... you are yet to see how big the fire of challenge and obstacle....that will burn you to the ground.

When we are out in the open sea....our heart will easily seduced and tempted because there are many choices out there.

To date at this age, I am can't guarantee who I am with now is the one..maybe yes...maybe not. All I know is, I am at my best....pray it will work out. If it does not the least I did my best.

It is not the time yet for you to indulge into all these love matter...you may of course walk through it but don't to the extend of deeper into building up a great wall of china. Follow the path, pray, have faith, be at your best in whatever you are doing...leave the rest in Allah's hand....

Then her stormy heart went into how her parent always pinning about planning her life. I said, things are not happen yet..don't worry about it. Don't be rude, fought them or ill treated them...it will drained your soul. The best cure for family turbulence is prayers.

After all, no matter what they are our father and mother. They put up with us when we are small. Cried our lung out from midnight till morning. Screaming our heart out when we are ill...they clean up after us. How painful are their words...just swallow. There are two ways of looking...take a deeper look from your heart...you will see differently.

Every time we point out on other's weakness...we fail to see into their thousand of goodness. Just be patience, as we aged they aged even more....I have been living to day 36 years...my series of argument,  tears and even running away from parent....yet...they are still the wind beneath my wing. Their words or way of saying things did not change either....because they are parent.

You on the other hand...just live crossed 20 years...don't ever dream to change a parent into your way of thinking. Close to 40 years of me living...they are still the same....they have tasted life way before us....

Even if we came from ship wrecked family...does not mean our life has to be one. Learned how to accept ourselves...make peace with our own soul....don't let anyone bring you down. If they do not comfortable with who you are...let them go..or just leave....there are other's who love you the way you are. Words are like weapon...it wounds sometimes.

Done with that counselling session....hope she will be ok. Otherwise...its gonna be round two. Spend time chatting with mommy...just shared and reason out with her. She agreed with me to a certain level. ..she said, at times it may seems our words are harsh....we always want the best for our children.

Its 0200am....tomorrow is house hunting day. I kind of like this area if only not so many foreigner that is from African country. They are notorious and fearless. I got harassed and disturb by them all the time...all the time...sounded prejudice right ?...what to do...bad experienced just justify it.

Never blame a day in your life... good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience. Both are essential to life, all are God's blessings. Good Morning!